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Some People think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.6

Some People think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. v. 6
Crime is like a cancer in modern times. Many people think that the government should keep a check on the lawlessness and provide its citizens with a safe environment. On the contrary, some people think that it is the personal responsibility of a person to keep themselves safe. I, however, believe that to curb lawlessness collective efforts from both the sides are required. On the one hand, some people believe that one's safety is in one's own hands. They give the argument that police forces cannot be present at every place all the time. For example, police cannot be present at every shop in the country, to safeguard it from getting robbed. Hence, individuals must install security cameras, theft alarms etc. , in their shops. Also, people need to stay aware of their surroundings and latest occurrences in the world. For instance, many people use the internet for banking services. The internet offences such as identity theft etc. , are on the increase these days. So, at the individual level people need to stay aware to keep themselves safe from identity theft etc. On the contrary, the other section of people believes that the administration must provide facilities to safeguard its people. They are with the view that safety from offences is one of the fundamental facilities that must be provided by the government to all its taxpayers. Firstly, the administration can set up multiple police stations in the reach of its people, so that they can report any misconduct noticed or experienced by them. Secondly, it should frame stringent laws, to prevent anyone from committing crime and if it is committed, then criminals pay well for their offensive deeds. As an example, the middle eastern countries have set up very strict laws and therefore, they have the lowest crime rate in the world. To conclude, to curb the lawlessness, it is necessary to take action at both individual and administration levels. Every possible offence cannot be eliminated at individual level and vice-versa.
Crime is like a cancer in modern times.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on the lawlessness and provide its citizens with a safe environment.
On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is the personal responsibility of a person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves safe. I,
however
, believe that to curb lawlessness collective efforts from both the sides
are required
.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that one's safety is in one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
hands. They give the argument that police forces cannot be present at every place all the time.
For example
, police cannot be present at every shop in the country, to safeguard it from getting robbed.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
install security cameras, theft alarms etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
in their shops.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to stay aware of their surroundings and latest occurrences in the world.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet for banking services. The internet
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
such as identity theft etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
are on the increase these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to stay aware to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves safe from identity theft etc.

On the contrary
, the other section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believes that the administration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide facilities to safeguard its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They are with the view that safety from
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
is one of the fundamental facilities that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be provided
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to all its taxpayers.
Firstly
, the administration can set up multiple police stations in the reach of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can report any misconduct noticed or experienced by them.
Secondly
, it should frame stringent laws, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
anyone from committing crime and if it
is committed
, then criminals pay well for their offensive deeds. As an example, the middle eastern countries have set up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strict laws and
therefore
, they have the lowest crime rate in the world.

To conclude
, to curb the lawlessness, it is necessary to take action at both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and administration levels. Every possible
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
cannot
be eliminated
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
level and vice-versa.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some People think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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