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Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that the money could be better spent elsewhere? v.1

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that the money could be better spent elsewhere? v. 1
Every country have budget to retain or to develop it. Certain individual think that the administration is wasting funds on the arts and that wealth could be used for other services. I completely disagree with the notion because art will generate revenue and help in protecting history. To begin with, People who are thinking that the budget, which is allocated on museum is of no use and I do not agree to it because of museum money is earned. Museum has various sculptures, artefact and important information about the culture. To see all of this many foreigner need to acquire a visa, purchase ticket, pay for hotels and also entrance fee to the museum. All this collected money accumulates with the government and this can be reinvested in other services. For instance, in India, Gujrate administration has installed giant statue of Sarder Patel which is named as a statue of Unity and to view this people from all over the world have come. This has improved economy of this state. Furthermore, Another reason people believe that money spent on museums is of waste and for which disagree is because this will help in preserving our rich past. People of country forget about our ancestor struggle for our country and they also they do not find much information about the history elsewhere. At least by investing this amount on arts our future generation can know about it from this museum. By this way all the history can be retained and can be accessed any time by visiting this museums. For instance, In the capital city of India, There is the largest museum where all the information related to Indian culture and tradition is display and now in 3D form is exhibited for visitors. In conclusion, Income generation and preservation of history are two main reasons for my disagreement for amount being wasted.
Every country have budget to retain or to develop it. Certain individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the administration is wasting funds on the arts and that wealth could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for other services. I completely disagree with the notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
art will generate revenue and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in protecting history.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who are thinking that the budget, which
is allocated
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is of no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
money
is earned
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
has various sculptures,
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefact' is British English.
artefact
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
information about the culture. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
all of this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
foreigner need to acquire a visa,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
ticket, pay for hotels and
also
entrance fee to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. All this collected money accumulates with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and this can
be reinvested
in other services.
For instance
, in India,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gujrate
administration has installed giant statue of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sarder
Patel which
is named
as a statue of Unity and to view this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the world have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
. This has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
economy of this state.

Furthermore
, Another reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that money spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is of waste and for which disagree is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in preserving our rich past.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
of country forget about our ancestor struggle for our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
country and
they
also
they do not find much information about the history elsewhere. At least by investing this amount on arts our future generation can know about it from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. By this way all the history can
be retained
and can
be accessed
any time by visiting
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
For instance
, In the capital city of India, There is the largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
where all the information related to Indian culture and tradition is display and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in 3D form
is exhibited
for visitors.

In conclusion
, Income generation and preservation of history are two main reasons for my disagreement for amount
being wasted
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that the money could be better spent elsewhere? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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