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Some shops are open 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. Do you think it is a good thing for the customer, shop staff and company as a whole? v.1

Some shops are open 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. Do you think it is a good thing for the customer, shop staff and company as a whole? v. 1
Certain stores are opened uninterrupted for the entire day and week. This essay agrees it as a positive development for customers, shop personnel and for the company. This essay will discuss the advantages in further detail, followed by a reasoned conclusion. Customers enjoy a lot of benefit from shops opened continuously as they can purchase goods anytime. This is to say, may shops such as convenience stores and pharmacists are open 24/7, thus, if any, need arises such as medicines, vegetables and so they can purchase at any time of the day. As a result, the lives of people has become much more convenient. To elucidate, a recent study by The Times shoed that more than 80 percent of customers are satisfied with 24*7 stores as they can by goods as per their needs. Shop work force also reap the benefits from 24*7 stores in terms of high salaries. In other word, companies pay huge salaries to staff working at odd hours. Thus, they can spend this amount in meeting the needs of themselves and their family. To exemplify, a recent study by The New York Times showed that more than 60 percent of employees are satisfied with 24*7 stores because of high salaries. The company also earns huge profits from stores operating uninterrupted in terms of higher sales and growth. In other words, with opening stores 24 hours a day and 7 days a week has led to increase in the demand of goods among customers, thus, not only increasing their profitability, but also aids to become market leaders. To conclude, the shops open all day and night for the entire week is beneficial for customers as they can purchase anything, anytime, staff members as they receive high salaries and to companies in terms of increased sale and huge gains.
Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
are opened
uninterrupted for the entire day and week. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
it as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
personnel and for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. This essay will discuss the advantages in
further
detail, followed by a reasoned conclusion.

Customers enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefit from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
opened
continuously
as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
anytime. This is to say, may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
such as convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
and pharmacists are open 24/7,
thus
, if any, need arises such as medicines,
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
vegetables and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
at any time of the day.
As a result
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
has become much more convenient. To elucidate, a recent study by The Times
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "shod", the past tense form of the verb 'shoe'?
shoed
that more than 80 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
are satisfied
with
Replace by the typographical symbol.
24*7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
as they can by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
as per their needs.

Shop work force
also
reap the benefits
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 24 to 7"?
from 24*7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
in terms of high salaries. In other word,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
pay huge salaries to staff working at odd hours.
Thus
, they can spend this amount in meeting the needs of themselves and their family. To exemplify, a recent study by The New York Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 60 percent of employees
are satisfied
with
Replace by the typographical symbol.
24*7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of high salaries.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
also
earns huge profits from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
operating uninterrupted in terms of higher sales and growth.
In other words
, with opening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
24 hours a day and 7 days a week has led to increase in the demand of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
,
thus
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increasing their profitability,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
aids to become market leaders.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
open all day and night for the entire week is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
anything, anytime, staff members as they receive high salaries and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in terms of increased sale and huge gains.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some shops are open 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. Do you think it is a good thing for the customer, shop staff and company as a whole? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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