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some people think that the government i s wasting money on arts and that this money could better be spent elsewhere. To what extents do you agree with this view? v.1

some people think that the government i s wasting money on arts and that this money could better be spent elsewhere. v. 1
Culture and traditions are one of the most essential views these days. There has been a lot of debates that government is lavishing resources on traditional and cultural arts. In this writing will be talking about how supporting culture and its components can bring about development to the nation in terms of foreign exchange, historical background awareness and also attracts tourist into the country. Firstly, embracing the roots gives us an opportunity to be able to tell a story to the oncoming generation about their lineage and tradition that is being practiced so as to facilitate embrace their livelihood and also in appreciation of our forefathers, for instance, the freedom story of every community should be passed on to the generations to come. Artefacts, images, are proofs and in appreciation of our heroes past that has fought for the independence of our nation(s). Secondly, artefacts that show the history are kept in the museum, which brings people from all over the continents to come visiting, that is, arts is another form of attraction to tourist and researchers to learn about the culture of other countries and by so doing, it exposes such countries and community to the international scenes. Slave trade business in Africa back in the years still brings people to come check out how people were being treated and where slaves were being kept is still in existence till today in Lagos(Nigeria) which also generates a form of revenue for the government and the nation. Development in the arts increases foreign exchange in terms of cash flow into the region. As people come to buy the items with their currencies, they pay tax on the goods bought and export due charges which all goes to the government pocket to better the standard of living in the society. In conclusion, allocation of resources to improve arts and culture brings lots of advantages to individuals and also benefits the country as a whole.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Culture
and traditions are one of the most essential views these days. There has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
debates that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is lavishing resources on traditional and cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. In this writing will be talking about how supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and its components can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
about development to the nation in terms of foreign exchange, historical background awareness and
also
attracts tourist into the country.

Firstly
, embracing the roots gives us an opportunity to be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
a story to the oncoming generation about their lineage and tradition
that is
being practiced
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
facilitate embrace their livelihood and
also
in appreciation of our forefathers,
for instance
, the freedom story of every community should
be passed
on to the generations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Artefacts' is British English.
Artefacts
, images, are proofs and in appreciation of our heroes past that has fought for the independence of our nation(s).

Secondly
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the history are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in the museum, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the continents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
visiting,
that is
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is another form of attraction to tourist and researchers to learn about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of other countries and by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
doing, it exposes such countries and community to the international scenes. Slave trade business in Africa back in the years
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
out how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were
being treated
and where slaves were being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
is
still
in existence till
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
in Lagos(Nigeria) which
also
generates a form of revenue for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the nation.

Development in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
increases foreign exchange in terms of cash flow into the region. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the items with their currencies, they pay tax on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
and export due charges which all goes to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
pocket to better the standard of living in the society.

In conclusion
, allocation of resources to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
lots of advantages to individuals and
also
benefits the country as a whole.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay some people think that the government i s wasting money on arts and that this money could better be spent elsewhere. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
323 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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