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Some people think that the government has the duty to ensure its citizens have a healthy diet, while others argue it is the responsibility of each individual. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that the government has the duty to ensure its citizens have a healthy diet, while others argue it is the responsibility of each individual. v. 1
Owing to the increased activities of tourists and having quite a large number of persons travelling for different reasons, there is a spike in the need for adequate means of air transportation. This is problematic because hydrocarbon fuels cause global warming. To solve this problem, electrically powered planes ought to be introduced to mitigate such problems. To begin with, the major problem of having more flights running on fossill fuels is air pollution. For instance, aeroplanes fueled by methane emit carbon mono-oxide, which tears down the ozone layer that protects the earth from the direct impact of the sun on human skin. Because of this, our planet will become warmer, and the harsh environment will tend to destroy many habitats of some living organisms. Therefore, controlling the kind of fuels used to fly aeroplanes will help to reduce the negative effect of warming such emissions can cause. In other to solve this problem, it seems pertinent to manufacture more electric aircrafts. For instance, the German AK-15 aeroplanes do not emit any unwanted gas, and if this is produced in mass quantity, it will save the world's global warming by 95 percent, according to a recent study. This is because such method of air transportation, which uses electric power is usually designed fully with electric components. However, this method seems to be beneficial to the world, especially as we tend towards green energy. In conclusion, the gradual increase in tours around the world by means of travelling via air has profound impact on the environment. The use of hydrocarbon aviation fuels seem to cause more harm to the environment because it depletes the ozone layer, and makes the world warmer thereby destroying the habitat of many living organisms. The best solution seems to be the usage of alternative energy source like electricity to fly such planes, thereby conserving the environment in a friendly manner.
Owing to the increased activities of tourists and having quite
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
persons travelling for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons, there is a spike in the need for adequate means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
transportation. This is problematic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
hydrocarbon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
cause global warming. To solve this problem,
electrically
powered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
ought to
be introduced
to mitigate such problems.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the major problem of having more flights running on
Possible spelling mistake found.
fossill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
pollution.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplanes' is British English.
aeroplanes
fueled by methane emit carbon mono-oxide, which tears down the ozone layer that protects the earth from the direct impact of the sun on human skin.
Because of this
, our planet will become warmer, and the harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
will tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
habitats of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
living organisms.
Therefore
, controlling the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
fly
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplanes' is British English.
aeroplanes
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect of warming such emissions can cause.

In other to solve this problem, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seems
pertinent to manufacture more electric
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "aircraft", the plural form of the noun 'aircraft'?
aircrafts
.
For instance
, the German AK-15
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplanes' is British English.
aeroplanes
do not emit any unwanted gas, and if this
is produced
in mass quantity, it will save the world's global warming by 95 percent, according to a recent study. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such method of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
transportation, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
electric power is
usually
designed
fully
with electric components.
However
, this method
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seems
to be beneficial to the world,
especially
as we tend towards green energy.

In conclusion
, the gradual increase in tours around the world by means of travelling via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
has profound impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of hydrocarbon aviation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seem
to cause more harm to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it depletes the ozone layer, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the world warmer thereby destroying the habitat of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
living organisms. The best solution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seems
to be the usage of alternative energy source like electricity to
fly
such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
, thereby conserving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
Consider replacing "in a friendly manner" with the adverb for "friendly"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a friendly manner
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that the government has the duty to ensure its citizens have a healthy diet, while others argue it is the responsibility of each individual. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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