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Some people believe that government have a duty to ensure its citizens have a healthy diet, while others believe it is individuals’ responsibility to care their diet and heaths? Discuss both side and give your opinion v.1

Some people believe that government have a duty to ensure its citizens have a healthy diet, while others believe it is individuals’ responsibility to care their diet and heaths? 1
In the recent years, some people think that government should control the health-related issue, especially healthy diet, while others do agree that residents themselves look after their food schedules and health. This essay will discuss in terms of two views as well as providing an opinion. It becomes apparent that the governments can have two main ways how to promote their own citizens. First of all, they can utilize the commercial and entertainment programs regarding health through television and radio, which is likely convenient and widespread to people. For instance, channels on the TV should update much latest knowledge such as good foods for preventing the cancer or the morning exercise. Furthermore, conducting health related seminars and camps are another method of health promotion. Consequently, it is true that the governments who notify the policies and initiatives are able to help the individuals so as to boost a better lifestyle. However, it is no doubt that each person is also responsible for the health protection rather than that of those who work at the Ministry of Health. In fact, the government whose healthy diet undertakes solely becomes successful when people decide to remain strength. To be more specific, it is too many people to control and support their diet; as a result, citizens should determine the purposes to improve their bodies. In conclusion, I believe both the arguments have their merits. On balance, however, it seems that both the government and each person should cooperate and design the optimal diet to enhance the health for community
In the recent years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should control the health-related issue,
especially
healthy diet, while others do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that residents themselves look after their food schedules and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. This essay will discuss in terms of two views
as well
as providing an opinion.

It becomes apparent that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can have two main ways how to promote their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
citizens.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they can utilize the commercial and entertainment programs regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
through television and radio, which is likely convenient and widespread to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, channels on the TV should update much latest knowledge such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
foods for preventing the cancer or the morning exercise.
Furthermore
, conducting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
related seminars and camps are another method of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
promotion.
Consequently
, it is true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
who notify the policies and initiatives are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the individuals
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
boost a better lifestyle.

However
, it is no doubt that each person is
also
responsible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
protection
rather
than that of those who work at the Ministry of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
whose healthy diet undertakes
solely
becomes successful when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to remain strength. To be more specific, it is too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to control and support their diet;
as a result
, citizens should determine the purposes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their bodies.

In conclusion
, I believe both the arguments have their merits. On balance,
however
, it seems that both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and each person should cooperate and design the optimal diet to enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
for
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
community
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people believe that government have a duty to ensure its citizens have a healthy diet, while others believe it is individuals’ responsibility to care their diet and heaths? 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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