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TPO43-Q6Using points and examples from the talk, explain two different ways in which animals provide themselves with food. v.1

TPO43-Q6Using points and examples from the talk, explain two different ways in which animals provide themselves with food. v. 1
Old buildings ought to be knocked down and new buildings erected because a lot of money is spent on renovating it. I disagree with this view because ancient structures are kept for historical purposes and also as a tourist centre Old buildings should not be demolished and modern buildings erected in its stead because of the money spent on renovating as it has historical value. Meaning the history the building holds will not be lost to the future generation. For example, the structure that housed the Slaves in Badagry in Lagos State, Nigeria, has been used on several occasions in history lessons, and this has helped the future generation to note that at one time blacks were slaves. Therefore, ancient structures ought not to be demolished as they have history to teach. Furthermore, the government of that state can utilize the building as a tourist attraction centre, where money can be made in the state. Tourists from other countries visiting the state is a sure way of making money for the state. For instance, the ancient structure that Lord Luggard lived in Calabar, Cross River State, Nigeria is a place for tourism now and a lot of money has been made as individuals and their family's visits the site. So, old structures can be a tourist attraction centre, and should not be pulled down. To conclude, I disagree with the statement that old buildings ought to be demolished because a lot of money is spent on renovation because these buildings have historical value and they are also places for tourist to visit. Given this situation, the authorities should ensure that ancient houses are not pulled down.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
ought to
be knocked
down and new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
erected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is spent
on renovating it. I disagree with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structures
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
for historical purposes and
also
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
centre


This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
should not
be demolished
and modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
erected in its stead
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent on renovating as it has historical value. Meaning the history the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
holds will not
be lost
to the future generation.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structure
that housed the Slaves in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Badagry
in Lagos
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
State
, Nigeria, has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
on several occasions in history lessons, and this has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
the future generation to note that at one time blacks were slaves.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structures
ought not to
be demolished
as they have history to teach.

Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
can utilize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
attraction
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
be made
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourists
from other countries visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
is a sure way of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structure
that Lord
Possible spelling mistake found.
Luggard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Calabar
, Cross River
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
State
, Nigeria is a place for tourism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has
been made
as individuals and their family's visits the site.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structures
can be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
attraction
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, and should not
be pulled
down.

To conclude
, I disagree with the statement that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
ought to
be demolished
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is spent
on renovation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
have historical
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
value and
they are
also
places for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
to visit.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this situation, the authorities should ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancient
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
are not pulled down.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay TPO43-Q6Using points and examples from the talk, explain two different ways in which animals provide themselves with food. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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