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City living in the 21st century is stressful and offers no advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

City living in the 21st century is stressful and offers no advantages. with this statement? v. 1
People hold differing views whether art-related subjects are put into the school curriculum. While some people believe art courses should be regarded as the core subject, I strongly object to this view. From my perspective, I think learners have the right to make a decision. On the one hand, art classes make an equal contribution to the growth of a child compared to other subjects. First, art is a form of recreational activity for youngsters which helps students to relax during the demanding lessons. Besides, art learners are likely to enhance their imagination and enrich souls as well. My friend, for example, can perceive life from different angles, making her life more colorful and happier. Second, institution teaching art can help students to discover talents which then provides them with an extensive class to develop their ability. On the other hand, I think the art-related course should be optional. Some students don't have any ability to produce a nice work of art so if art becomes a compulsory subject, it will result in unnecessary pressure on art haters, especially when it comes to the formal exam. Moreover, people who don't have any idea about artistic will see it as a waste of time that may otherwise be available to learn other important lessons which help them in the later stage. In conclusion, the art course brings both pros and cons depending on which type of people study. I strongly recommend it should be free for adolescents to choose it as a vital subject.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
hold differing views whether art-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are put
into the school curriculum. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
courses should
be regarded
as the core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, I
strongly
object to this view. From my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
learners have the right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a decision.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
classes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an equal contribution to the growth of a child compared to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a form of recreational activity for youngsters which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
students to relax during the demanding lessons.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
learners are likely to enhance their imagination and enrich souls
as well
. My friend,
for example
, can perceive life from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
angles, making her life more colorful and happier. Second, institution teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students to discover talents which then provides them with an extensive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
to develop their ability.

On the other hand
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the art-related course should be optional.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
students don't have any ability to produce a nice work of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
becomes a compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, it will result in unnecessary pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
haters,
especially
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the formal exam.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who don't have any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about artistic will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it as a waste of time that may
otherwise
be available to learn other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
lessons which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the later stage.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
course brings both pros and cons depending on which type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
study. I
strongly
recommend it should be free for adolescents to choose it as a vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay City living in the 21st century is stressful and offers no advantages. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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