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Some people think that the education system should only focus on preparing students for employment, while others believe it has other important functions. Discuss both sides and then give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that the education system should only focus on preparing students for employment, while others believe it has other important functions. v. 1
Many people feel that getting pupils ready for their careers should be the main focus of schools, whereas others believe that schools should have additional purposes. This essay discusses both sides of this argument and then I will give my own perspective. There are merits of schools only fixating on preparing adolescent people for their working lives. If adolescent people are better prepared for their vocations they will be more prosperous in their working lives. As well as this, they will withal make more mazuma and be able to fortify themselves preponderant. For instance, some recent stories in the media highlighted that students who finish high school are less liable to be unemployed, and more liable to earn higher salaries. In additament, by schools preparing adolescent people for jobs, there will be a better prepared workforce. This benefits society by raising productivity and ascertaining that employers have the indispensable labour they require. However, there are also advantages of schools having other functions. First of all, they should teach students skills to make them well-rounded. By teaching communication skills and how to use technology the students will be better rounded individuals. Although, these are important skills in today's society and so they should be learnt at school. As well as this school should teach morals and ethics because this will make the society better. For example, many people feel that this aspect of schooling has become neglected, and has led to a deterioration of society. In conclusion, I believe both sides of the argument have their merits. On balance, however, it seems that schools should have other functions. This is because if the students are well-rounded they will be more successful in their lives and contribute more to society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that getting pupils ready for their careers should be the main focus of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, whereas others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should have additional purposes. This essay discusses both sides of this argument and then I will give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective.

There are merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fixating on preparing adolescent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for their working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. If adolescent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
prepared for their vocations they will be more prosperous in their working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
As well
as this, they will withal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
mazuma
and be able to fortify themselves preponderant.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recent stories in the media highlighted that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who finish high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are less liable to
be unemployed
, and more liable to earn higher salaries. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
additament
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
preparing adolescent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for jobs, there will be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
prepared workforce. This benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by raising productivity and ascertaining that employers have the indispensable
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
they require.

However
, there are
also
advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
having other functions.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they should teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them well-rounded. By teaching communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
technology the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
rounded individuals. Although, these are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
society and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
As well
as this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should teach morals and ethics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that this aspect of schooling has become neglected, and has led to a deterioration of society.

In conclusion
, I believe both sides of the argument have their merits. On balance,
however
, it seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should have other functions. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are well-rounded they will be more successful in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and contribute more to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the education system should only focus on preparing students for employment, while others believe it has other important functions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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