Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In modern society, some people argue that schools become unnecessary as children can study at home via the Internet. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

In modern society, some people argue that schools become unnecessary as children can study at home via the Internet. v. 3
In modern society, some people argue that schools become unnecessary as children can study at home via the Internet. Do you agree or disagree? Nowadays, some people advocate that students don't need to go to the real classroom, instead they can attend it online, directly from their homes. In my opinion, I utterly believe that physical presence at educational institutions is the only way to make the best of students. Firstly, I would take myself as an example, because during my university I passed some of the online courses. Thus, I can say that the quality of a knowledge gained is not the same and I had many questions while I had watched videos, but I couldn’t make any questions. It's only a one way type of communication. Furthermore, our focus is much better when we are in the same room as a professor, and we can better experience the topic that is being presented. Secondly, the school plays a very important role in our lives and the most significant thing provided is process of socialization. We spend a third of our childhood time in and around the classroom learning not only from professors but also from our friends and we shape our personalities. That is the place where we meet our first friends, we make a wide number of contacts and some people can even find their future partner there; therefore, the school cannot be replaced to any virtual platform. To sum up, I think the moment we start to transform our society into virtual one will be the end of civilization as we know today. Hence, the human beings will not use their full social and intellectual potential and that we will stagnate. I'm afraid even to imagine what would happen if we take out schools and move classrooms to online platforms.
In modern society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
become unnecessary as children can study at home via the Internet. Do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
or disagree?

Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocate that students don't need to go to the real classroom,
instead
they can attend it online,
directly
from their homes. In my opinion, I
utterly
believe that physical presence at educational institutions is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the best of students.

Firstly
, I would take myself as an example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
during my university I passed
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
online courses.
Thus
, I can say that the quality of a knowledge gained is not the same and I had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
questions while I had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
videos,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I couldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any questions. It's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a one way type of communication.
Furthermore
, our focus is much better when we are in the same room as a professor, and we can better experience the topic
that is
being presented
.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and the most significant thing provided is process of socialization. We spend a third of our childhood time in and around the classroom learning not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
from professors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
from our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
friends and
we shape our personalities.
That is
the place where we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
our
first
friends, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a wide number of contacts and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can even find their future partner there;
therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
cannot
be replaced
to any virtual platform.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the moment we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to transform our society into virtual one will be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of civilization as we know
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
Hence
, the human beings will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their full social and intellectual potential and that we will stagnate. I'm
The adjective 'afraid' is used with 'to': "afraid to even".
afraid even
to imagine what would happen if we take out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
classrooms to online platforms.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In modern society, some people argue that schools become unnecessary as children can study at home via the Internet. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts