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Some people think the function of university education is to prepare students for employment, but others believe university education can offer many other functions. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think the function of university education is to prepare students for employment, but others believe university education can offer many other functions. v. 2
People have different views about the main purpose of a university to children. While some argue that college education helps children to be good workers, I believe that this place can give many other purposes. On the one hand, there are various reasons why people believe that university education just has one function which teaches young people who become workers. First of all, young people only are taught about their specialization. For example, universities often focus on some famous careers such as nurses, information technology or technology. They do not teach everyone who becomes a good person. Besides, the university also is a competitive environment between the young generation. For instance, young people study at university, they tend to compete with other people because if they have lower scores then their peers, they can lose their opportunity to recruit from good companies In spite of these arguments, I believe that people can learn more than from studying at university. Firstly, the college environment can offer students more opportunities to learn some experiences from their teacher. For example, students can get soft skills and verbal skills when they apply to university. Secondly, university education helps young people realize that whether they can fit with this job because the student who does not have orientation for them in the future, and they do not know they could suit which jobs. From the above discussion, I argue that people obtain too much knowledge when they are educated at university rather than just preparing them to become an employee.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the main purpose of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to children. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that college education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
children to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
workers, I believe that this place can give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other purposes.

On the one hand, there are various reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
has one function which teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who become workers.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are taught
about their specialization.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
focus on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
careers such as nurses, information technology or technology. They do not teach everyone who becomes a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person.
Besides
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
also
is a competitive environment between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, they tend to compete with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they have lower scores then their peers, they can lose their opportunity to recruit from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
companies


This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
these arguments, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn more than from studying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
Firstly
, the college environment can offer students more opportunities to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experiences from their teacher.
For example
, students can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and verbal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
when they apply to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
realize that whether they can fit with this job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the student who does not have orientation for them in the future, and they do not know they could suit which jobs.

From the above discussion, I argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
obtain too much knowledge when they
are educated
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
preparing them to become an employee.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think the function of university education is to prepare students for employment, but others believe university education can offer many other functions. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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