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Some people think that the detailed criminal description on newspaper and TV has bad influences, so this kind of information should be restricted on the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that the detailed criminal description on newspaper and TV has bad influences, so this kind of information should be restricted on the media. v. 1
Art plays a fundamental role in society and portrays the culture beautifully. Therefore, it is important for children to learn it. However, I also think that, this must not be achieved at the detriment of other major subjects. Firstly, art is the best tool by which people, especially children, learn to be creative. For instance, the children participating actively in art exhibitions held in schools or colleges, grow up to be creative thinkers and innovative individuals. To explain further, some of the most brilliant artists of the world like Picasso, Roald Dahl and Abida Parveen have bestowed the world with true masterpieces and have set an example of creativity. Furthermore, learning artistic skills makes the children able to cherish their intuition too. Secondly, for children, art work plays a significant role when it comes to expressing their ideas. This is because younger children are not very linguistic and thus, face a problem in explaining their thoughts and vision. However, it is with the help of their artwork, for example, painting, writing and sketching, that they are able to show the world their feelings. This is why, many children psychologists prefer looking into the details of children's creative activities, in order to understand their mental health. Although, art nurtures the creative instincts and expresses emotions of children, it must be kept in mind to structure the school syllabus in a balanced way. This means that, it must not be the only priority, but other mandatory subjects like maths, science and language must be given an adequate share in the curriculum too. Since, these subjects are the part and parcel of a standard education system and are equally essential for grooming the children. To conclude, nevertheless, art is the gateway to the road of creativity and imagination, but it must not surpass the novelty of essential subjects in schools. Thus, school systems must strive to maintain a balance in their syllabus.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
plays a fundamental role in society and portrays the culture
beautifully
.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn it.
However
, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
be achieved
at the detriment of other major subjects.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is the best tool by which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, learn to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
participating
actively
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
exhibitions held in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
or colleges, grow up to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
thinkers and innovative individuals. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
further
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the most brilliant artists of the world like Picasso,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Roald
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dahl
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Abida
Possible spelling mistake found.
Parveen
have bestowed the world with true masterpieces and have set an example of creativity.
Furthermore
, learning artistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
able to cherish their intuition too.

Secondly
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
work plays a significant role when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to expressing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
linguistic and
thus
, face a problem in explaining their thoughts and vision.
However
, it is with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of their artwork,
for example
, painting, writing and sketching, that they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the world their feelings. This is why,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
psychologists prefer looking into the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
activities, in order to understand their mental health.

Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
nurtures the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
instincts and expresses emotions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in mind to structure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
syllabus in a balanced way. This means that, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
priority,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
other mandatory subjects like
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
, science and language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an adequate share in the curriculum too. Since, these subjects are the part and parcel of a standard education system and are
equally
essential for grooming the children.

To conclude
,
nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is the gateway to the road of creativity and imagination,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not surpass the novelty of essential subjects in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
systems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
strive to maintain a balance in their syllabus.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Some people think that the detailed criminal description on newspaper and TV has bad influences, so this kind of information should be restricted on the media. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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