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Detailed description of crimes on newspaper and TV can have bad consequences on society, so this kind of information should be banned in the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Detailed description of crimes on newspaper and TV can have bad consequences on society, so this kind of information should be banned in the media. v. 1
There is no doubt that skills have changed in common people in the last few years. Earlier, people would make their clothes or paint their walls. Though nowadays, this has decreased a lot and almost vanished. To embark on, many factors are influencing this trend. Firstly, busy life of big cities leaves no time for individual to have time for their hobbies. This leads to no practice of talent and forgetting them. Secondly, with increasing earning comes affordability to outsource such works. For example, people get their clothes stitched from the tailor and buy items like sweater, foods from shops rather than making on their own. Lastly, in the generation of industrialization and luxury, these items are status symbols and tend to be bought only rather than making for self. For instance, skirts from brands like Zara would be a high profile symbol for rather than a self- stitched similar skirt at ¼ price. Therefore, others tend to judge you of lower standard if you get things made for yourself. Further to discuss, the situation in my country would be very much similar. This is because in our generation, few of us know how to sew and stitch, contrary to our parents who knew it. But also to add on that our grandparents even knew how to plough their fields that our parents could not learn. Thus to conclude this disappearance of talents is side effect of industrialization and moving away from our parents and roots in search of jobs and better lifestyle.
There is no doubt that
skills
have
changed
in common
people
in the last few years. Earlier,
people
would
make
their clothes or paint their walls. Though nowadays, this has decreased a lot and almost vanished.

To embark on,
many
factors are influencing this trend.
Firstly
, busy life of
big
cities
leaves
no time for individual to have time for their hobbies. This leads to no practice of talent and forgetting them.
Secondly
, with increasing earning
comes
affordability to outsource such works.
For example
,
people
get
their clothes stitched from the tailor and
buy
items like sweater, foods from shops
rather
than making on their
own
.
Lastly
, in the generation of industrialization and luxury, these items are status symbols and tend to be
bought
only
rather
than making for self.
For instance
, skirts from brands like Zara would be a high profile symbol for
rather
than a self- stitched similar skirt at ¼ price.
Therefore
, others tend to judge you of lower standard if you
get
things made for yourself.

Further
to discuss, the situation in my country would be
very
much similar. This is
because
in our generation, few of us know how to sew and stitch, contrary to our parents who knew it.
But
also
to
add
on that our grandparents even knew how to
plough
their fields that our parents could not learn.

Thus
to conclude
this disappearance of talents is side effect of industrialization and moving away from our parents and roots in search of jobs and better lifestyle.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Detailed description of crimes on newspaper and TV can have bad consequences on society, so this kind of information should be banned in the media. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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