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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. v.29

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 29
It is irrefutable that health is an essential part of every human life. However, many working individuals, these days, are unable to give a lot of emphasis on doing physical exercises, and consequently, many of them are suffering from major health issues. This essay will discuss the major reasons due to which people ignore physical activities, and will propose some measures to ameliorate the situation. Owing to the cut throat competition in the market, the average working hours of an individual has increased. As as result, people cope up by cutting time from various other places, such as their exercise time. Additionally, as most of the jobs are sedentary, involving no physical activity for a long period of time, people get used to this lifestyle and start ignoring the value of physical exercises and do not want to continue even in their leisure time. Therefore, many people start facing issues such as back pains and obesity. For instance, in the USA, people are so engrossed in their work that they hardly do exercise and during weekends, when they can spare some time, they prefer other activities such as clubbing or watching movies. To solve the issue, firstly, companies should promote small exercise brakes in which people would stand up from their position and get involved in some physical work, such as stretching or yoga. For instance, Mitsubish, an international firm, follows this culture, and therefore no one is allowed to be in the office building during the lunch time. This forces each employee to take an hour break and do some walking in the premises. Secondly, the government should promote games and other physical activities among the youngsters. They should also explain the potential health issues which could occur if not including such activities in their daily routine. In conclusion, people ignore doing exercise as work pressure has increased which leaves less time with them for such activities and also they do not want to change, hence, even when they get time, they prefer doing something else. This issue can be resolved in companies encourage employees to take breaks for physical exercises and government should also promote it.
It is irrefutable that health is an essential part of every human life.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
working individuals, these days, are unable to give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
emphasis on doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
, and
consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them are suffering from major health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
. This essay will discuss the major reasons due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, and will propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to ameliorate the situation.

Owing to the
'cut throat' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "cut-throat".
cut throat
competition in the market, the average working hours of an individual has increased.
Possible typo: you repeated a word
As as
result,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cope up by cutting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
from various other places, such as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Additionally
, as most of the jobs are sedentary, involving no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
for a long period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to this lifestyle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
ignoring the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
and do not want to continue even in their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
such as back pains and obesity.
For instance
, in the USA,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
engrossed in their work that they hardly do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and during weekends, when they can spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they prefer other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as clubbing or watching movies.

To solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
,
firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should promote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
brakes in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would stand up from their position and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
work, such as stretching or yoga.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mitsubish
, an international firm, follows this culture, and
therefore
no one is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to be in the office building during the lunch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This forces each employee to take an hour break and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
walking in the premises.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should promote games and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
among the youngsters. They should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the potential health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
which could occur if not including such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their daily routine.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
as work pressure has increased which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
also
they do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
,
hence
, even when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they prefer doing something else. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
can
be resolved
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
encourage employees to take breaks for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
promote it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 29

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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