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Detailed description of crimes on newspaper and TV can have bad consequences on society, so this kind of information should be banned in the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Detailed description of crimes on newspaper and TV can have bad consequences on society, so this kind of information should be banned in the media. v. 2
Nowadays, with the rapid development of the social media, people are able to receive the latest news. Nonetheless, this change does not only bring benefits to our community. Detailed depiction of crimes provides some unnecessary information for society. Therefore, we should cut down the coverage of detailed crimes and broadcast other useful information instead. To begin with, it is the unnecessary description of crimes that deprives of the attentions of many other important issues. The news media prefer to report news which might get more views, such as bank robbery or drug smuggle. However, this only causes a negative effect to the society. We should instead cover other issues, which are in dire need of public assistance. For instance, in this year’s mosque attack in New Zealand, many news channels focus on the process of the shooting attack. It would be more helpful to society if they discuss how can people offer help to those victims. Moreover, one of the most criticized part of detailed description of crimes is that it facilitates the growth of crime. It is a common belief that people incline to imitate that they see in the life, not to mention violence crimes on TV. On the other hand, description of crimes on TV and newspaper serves as a good method for government to increase awareness among citizens about the prevention of crime. The idea lies in the fact that, the reason of most victims who are being scammed are due to the unfamiliarity with new means of fraud. If government can make use of news coverage to help people realize how to protect themselves, then it is possible to lower the decrease the crime rate of fraud. It should be also noted that government can teach people not only about protection but also reporting potential crime, such as drug smuggle. Consequently, if description on TV is being use in a positive way, it is the best approach for government to promote effectively. In conclusion, I believe that we should ban those information that report detailed description of crimes on TV, unless they use this opportunity to assist government’s promotion about protection of crime.
Nowadays, with the rapid development of the social media,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to receive the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. Nonetheless, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring benefits to our community.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Detailed
depiction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unnecessary information for society.
Therefore
, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the coverage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
detailed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and broadcast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
useful information
instead
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is the unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
description
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
that deprives of the attentions of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
media prefer to report
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
which might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more views, such as bank robbery or drug smuggle.
However
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
causes a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect to the society. We should
instead
cover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
issues, which are in dire need of public assistance.
For instance
, in this year’s mosque attack in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channels focus on the process of the shooting attack. It would be more helpful to society if they discuss how can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
offer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to those victims.
Moreover
, one of the most criticized part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
detailed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
description
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is that it facilitates the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. It is a common belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
incline to imitate that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in the life, not to mention violence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
on TV.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
description
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
on TV and newspaper serves as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
method for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to increase awareness among citizens about the prevention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
lies in the fact that, the reason of most victims who are
being scammed
are due to the unfamiliarity with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
means of fraud. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
coverage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
realize how to protect themselves, then it is possible to lower the decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate of fraud. It should be
also
noted that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about protection
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
reporting potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, such as drug smuggle.
Consequently
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
description
on TV is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way, it is the best approach for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to promote
effectively
.

In conclusion
, I believe that we should ban
Did you mean "this information" or "those informations"?
those information
that report
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
detailed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
description
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
on TV, unless they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this opportunity to assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
promotion about protection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Detailed description of crimes on newspaper and TV can have bad consequences on society, so this kind of information should be banned in the media. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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