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The chart bellow shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008 v.1

The chart bellow shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008 v. 1
In this age of globalisation, where numerous people across the globe wants to spend their leisure time in popular places like Switzerland, there is a host of people who loves adventure and go to places where the conditions are not favourable. In this essay, I will discuss the advantages and drawbacks of visiting arduous places. To begin with, there is a plethora of benefits of visiting difficult places. Firstly, such places are not very crowded because of the harsh weather conditions and only those who are adventurous and enjoy something thrilling in their life, opt for such destinations where they can indulge themselves in an adventurous activity. Furthermore, they get a chance to learn about the local wildlife and learn the tips of survival from the locals like how to survive in extreme hot/cold weather conditions. Then, they get a chance to do camel riding, which is very famous in deserts and getting a glimpse of a polar bear which can only be seen in Antartica Region. For Example, In a recent survey, it has been observed that a plethora of sightseers nowadays preferred locations like the Sahara Desert or the Antartica over Switzerland and other European destinations On the other hand, there are many cons as well. Firstly, people have to face a myriad of challenges in terms of accommodation and food. Secondly, they have to travel long journeys to reach to such spots. Sometimes, holiday makers unable to sustain these strenuous climate conditions and hence, become victims of diseases like dehydration and pneumonia. Then, they are not getting the luxury of a five star suite. To conclude, although there are many advantages of going to places like the Deserts and Antartica, but however, there are some cons which cannot be overlooked.
In this age of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
, where numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
across the globe wants to spend their leisure time in popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
like Switzerland, there is a host of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
adventure and go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
where the conditions are not
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
. In this essay, I will discuss the advantages and drawbacks of visiting arduous places.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is a plethora of benefits of visiting difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Firstly
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crowded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the harsh weather conditions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those who are adventurous and enjoy something thrilling in their life, opt for such destinations where they can indulge themselves in an adventurous activity.
Furthermore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to learn about the local wildlife and learn the tips of survival from the locals like how to survive in extreme hot/
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
weather conditions. Then, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to do camel riding, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in deserts and getting a glimpse of a polar bear which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Antartica
Region.
For Example
, In a recent survey, it has
been observed
that a plethora of sightseers nowadays preferred locations like the Sahara Desert or the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Antartica
over Switzerland and other European
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
destinations


On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cons
as well
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face a myriad of challenges in terms of accommodation and food.
Secondly
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel long journeys to reach to such spots.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, holiday makers unable to sustain these strenuous climate conditions and
hence
, become victims of diseases like dehydration and pneumonia. Then, they are not getting the luxury of a
'five star' is missing a hyphen.
five star
suite.

To conclude
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
like the Deserts and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Antartica
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
however
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cons which cannot
be overlooked
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart bellow shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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