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Some people think that the best way to reduce time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city centre with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that the best way to reduce time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city centre with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. v. 1
Those who have long distances to travel to offices and schools may well believe that if apartment blocks built near to commercial and business hubs would greatly reduce both time and stress. There are though those who favour that central areas should remain surrounded by green areas. My opinion leans strongly with those who hold the latter view. Placing apartment buildings near the centre is surely convenient for the commuter. Also, they do not need to take subways or walk far. However, if there are too many apartments near the city centre, then those in the middle will face problems, such as traffic jams during rush hours, which result in creating lengthy delays. Therefore, it could easily prove hardly the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling. Conversely, viewing this from the perspective of replacing parks and gardens with high-rises means workers will have no places to relax, and the environment deteriorates and in turn for those who work there suffer a detrimental effect on their productivity. Besides, compared with apartments, centrally placed pleasant open spaces creates positive effects on the city’s environment and attitude on those whose employment is situated. In summary, replacing gardens and parks with apartments is not the best method to save people’s time travelling to work. Such an idea may have a negative effect and harm the city’s environment, those who work in central areas of the city being subject to traffic jams that increase time wasting rather than reducing it.
Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have long distances to travel to offices and schools may well believe that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
blocks built near to commercial and business hubs would
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. There are though those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
that central areas should remain surrounded by green areas. My opinion leans
strongly
with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
hold the latter view.

Placing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
buildings near the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
is
surely
convenient for the commuter.
Also
, they do not need to take subways or walk far.
However
, if there are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
near the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, then those in the middle will face problems, such as traffic jams during rush hours, which result in creating lengthy delays.
Therefore
, it could
easily
The adverb 'hardly' is usually put before the verb 'prove'.
prove hardly
the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent in travelling.

Conversely
, viewing this from the perspective of replacing parks and gardens with high-rises means workers will have no places to relax, and the environment deteriorates and in turn for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work there suffer a detrimental effect on their productivity.
Besides
, compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
,
centrally
placed pleasant open spaces creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on the city’s environment and attitude on those whose employment
is situated
.

In summary, replacing gardens and parks with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
is not the best method to save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
travelling to work. Such an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
may have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect and harm the city’s environment, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work in central areas of the city being subject to traffic jams that increase
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time wasting
rather
than reducing it.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the best way to reduce time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city centre with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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