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Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.1

Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1
The trend of working part-time is becoming increasingly popular among students these days. However, they are prone to becoming stressed, eventually while also having less time for studying. This essay will discuss the reasons regarding this problem of working while studying and also suggest some possible solutions. First of all, the considerably high cost of education and independent lifestyle may be the key factors that force pupils to take up part-time work. Firstly, some institutes are looting people in the name of giving the highly standardized education which results in sending the families in the substantially deep pit of debt. In order to overcome this, some kids are compelled to work along their studies which often results in lacking time for education and falling behind the rest of the classroom. In other words, it is a dead end lifestyle. Another reason might be the independent lifestyle of adults. This is especially seen in the developed countries, such as, America, where children have to leave their parents’ house at 18 years of age and start their own individual life. Therefore, this also becomes the reason as to why students tend to work while studying. However, these reasons could be eliminated majorly by providing free education and letting teenagers stay at their parent’s home till university graduation. For instance, Germany provides free of cost education to its citizens. Not only it lessens the burdens, but it also resulted in reaching the literacy rate of that country to 100 which is still a dream for many developing and even developed countries. Furthermore, some countries have a custom of staying with their parents until marriage, such as, in Pakistan. Though it becomes really demanding for the guardians, there is a better future reward in the long run when their children get jobs post graduation and lend a hand to their parents. In conclusion, students doing part-time jobs suffer by having comparatively lesser time for education while feeling stressed and pressurized. While, the fear of debts and living alone without parents' support are two of the reasons behind students who work while studying, providing free of cost education and letting them stay with parents might be the probable solutions for this problem.
The trend of working part-time is becoming
increasingly
popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
these days.
However
, they are prone to becoming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
,
eventually
while
also
having less time for studying. This essay will discuss the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
regarding this problem of working while studying and
also
suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
considerably
high cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and independent lifestyle may be the key factors that force pupils to take up part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
institutes are looting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the name of giving the
highly
standardized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
which results in sending the families in the
substantially
deep pit of debt. In order to overcome this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kids
are compelled
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
along their studies which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
results in lacking time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and falling behind the rest of the classroom.
In other words
, it is a dead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
lifestyle. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
might be the independent lifestyle of adults. This is
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, such as, America, where children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
at 18 years of age and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
individual life.
Therefore
, this
also
becomes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
as to why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while studying.

However
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
could
be eliminated
majorly
by providing free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and letting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
stay at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
home till university graduation.
For instance
, Germany provides free of cost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to its citizens. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it lessens the burdens,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
resulted in reaching the literacy rate of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to 100 which is
still
a dream for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developing and even developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have a custom of staying with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
until marriage, such as, in Pakistan. Though it becomes
really
demanding for the guardians, there is a better future reward in the long run when their children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
jobs post graduation and lend a hand to their parents.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
doing part-time jobs suffer by having
comparatively
lesser time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
while feeling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and pressurized. While, the fear of debts and living alone without parents' support are two of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while studying, providing free of cost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and letting them stay with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
might be the probable solutions for this problem.
20Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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