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Some people think that the best way to reduce time spend travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both of the views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that the best way to reduce time spend travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. v. 1
Many people are considering travelling as one of the things to do in their bucket lists, and as a result international travel has been on the increase lately. This has had various advantages and disadvantages to the local countries and communities. In my opinion, an influx of tourists does more good than harm to the local citizens for the following reasons. Firstly, more foreigners travelling to a region would mean more circulation of money. In other words, foreigners will be purchasing things such as food, clothes, and souveniers which will ultimately benefit the local traders and shop owners in the form of higher profits. One of my uncles, for example, who owns a boutique, earns double the profits in December since it is the holiday season when compared to off-season months like in March. This is why, I strongly believe that tourism is a great opportunity for the local companies and citizens. Secondly, a region's people get to meet people from all over the world in the name of tourism. To be specific, natives can learn and gain awareness about things like another country's language, food and national attire through tourists. One of my best friends, for example, is from Scandanavia whom had I met in a local coffee shop when she was visiting my home state. I learnt various things about Scandanavia, and it was so fascinating that I have decided to visit the country next month during my winter holidays. In my opinion, tourists teach so many things through their visit that can leave a positive long lasting impact in the natives' lives. In conclusion, it is my firm belief that travellers income to a country is more advantageous to the local community. They bring in more trade and thereby, more earnings for the local businesses. In addition to it, local people also get the opportunity to learn about the visitor's country during their visit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are considering travelling as one of the things to do in their bucket lists, and
as a result
international travel has been on the increase lately. This has had various advantages and disadvantages to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and communities. In my opinion, an influx of tourists does more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
than harm to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
citizens for the following reasons.

Firstly
, more foreigners travelling to a region would mean more circulation of money.
In other words
, foreigners will be purchasing things such as food, clothes, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
souveniers
which will
ultimately
benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
traders and shop owners in the form of higher profits. One of my uncles,
for example
, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
a boutique, earns double the profits in December since it is the holiday season when compared to off-season months like in March. This is why, I
strongly
believe that tourism is a great opportunity for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and citizens.

Secondly
, a region's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the world in the name of tourism. To be specific, natives can learn and gain awareness about things like another country's language, food and national attire through tourists. One of my best friends,
for example
, is from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Scandanavia
Did you mean "who" instead of 'whom'?
whom
had I met in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
coffee shop when she was visiting my home state. I
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
various things about
Possible spelling mistake found.
Scandanavia
, and it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
fascinating that I have decided to visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
next
month during my winter holidays. In my opinion, tourists teach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things through their visit that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
impact in the natives'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In conclusion
, it is my firm belief that
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "travellers'" or "traveller's"?
travellers
income to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is more advantageous to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community. They bring in more trade and thereby, more earnings for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businesses.
In addition
to it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity to learn about the visitor's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
during their visit.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people think that the best way to reduce time spend travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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