Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for children's future. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.2

All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for children's future. v. 2
Undoubtedly, a child's future is one of the most important concerns of his or her parents. In recent times, though, there has been a debate on what is most relevant in securing the future of children. While some are of the opinion that children should be taught skills, others maintain that exposing a child to a broad range of topics is sufficient. From my perspective, the age of a child should be deciding factor on the specific knowledge such child should gain. On one hand, teaching children skills are important to expose them to practical experiences. Basically, every endeavour requires a particular skill set to succeed in it. For this reason, some people believe it is very crucial for children to learn skills. On the other hand, when kids are taught a range of subjects, their inner mind is expanded. In other words, they grow to become adults with a high degree of exposure that ensures they can cope in different situations. As such, other people claim that children who gain diverse knowledge are able to recognise opportunities in any circumstance and utilise them. Despite the arguments of both schools of thought, I am of the opinion that children should be provided with the knowledge of both skills and varying subjects according to their age. At a younger age, a child needs to have an idea of exhaustive phenomena to enable him or her make a choice in the future. Therefore, allowing children to study different subjects is important when they are younger. Consequently, when children grow older, it becomes pertinent to pursue the learning of skills crucial to the success of their chosen field or undertaking. In conclusion, rather than limiting the complete education of a child by concentrating on a perspective, children's education should be made to include relevant knowledge either of skills or a variety of subjects as they age.
Undoubtedly
, a child's future is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
concerns of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
parents. In recent times, though, there has been a debate on what is most relevant in securing the future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, others maintain that exposing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to a broad range of topics is sufficient.

From my perspective, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
should be deciding factor on the specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
should gain.

On one hand, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to expose them to practical experiences.
Basically
, every
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
requires a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
set to succeed in it.
For this reason
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, when kids
are taught
a range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, their inner mind
is expanded
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they grow to become adults with a high degree of exposure that ensures they can cope in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations. As such,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who gain diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
are able to
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
opportunities in any circumstance and
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
them.

Despite the arguments of both schools of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be provided
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and varying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
according to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. At a younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
needs to have an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of exhaustive phenomena to enable him or her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a choice in the future.
Therefore
, allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
when they are younger.
Consequently
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow older, it becomes pertinent to pursue the learning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
crucial to the success of their chosen field or undertaking.

In conclusion
,
rather
than limiting the complete education of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
by concentrating on a perspective, children's education should
be made
to include relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
either of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
or a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for children's future. v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
313 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts