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Some people think that the best way to reduce time spent in traveling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that the best way to reduce time spent in traveling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. v. 1
These days, traffic jams have become a big problem in many communities. Some people claim that transforming parks and gardens into residential areas is the best way to solve commuting problems. However, there are some who oppose such an opinion. My view is that land near to centres should be made available for apartments. My opinion is that land near to centres should be made available for apartments. It is not a difficult to understand why some people advocate moving parks and green areas away from the city centres. If we construct new apartments for citizens making use of these lands, they don’t need to spend such a long time on the way to work. Furthermore, professionals can just walk a few minutes to go to their workplaces. Therefore, driving cars is not a necessary routine in our daily life any more. Additionally, down-town areas are not perfect locations for natural scenery, because they are so busy and people cannot enjoy themselves in what could be chaotic conditions. . However, other people who hold a different view and are not convinced by the above standpoint. Those who oppose the view consider is the price of the land in these central spots. It is true that most of commuters cannot afford to buy an apartment in at the heart of a city’s commercial and business hubs. There is some counter evidence to suggest that replacing recreational areas and constructing apartments near to the centre will cause even heavier traffic jams In conclusion, relocating parks and gardens may offer a good solution for long travelling time. Meanwhile, there are some doubts about whether it works. Each side both have valid concerns about the present situation, maybe we can try this method in some places, then look forward to seeing the results.
These days, traffic jams have become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
communities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that transforming parks and gardens into residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is the best way to solve commuting problems.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who oppose such an opinion. My view is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
near to
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
should
be made
available for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
. My opinion is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
near to
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
should
be made
available for apartments.

It is not a difficult to understand why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
advocate moving parks and green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
away from the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. If we construct new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
for citizens making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
, they don’t need to spend such a long time on the way to work.
Furthermore
, professionals can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
walk a few minutes to go to their workplaces.
Therefore
, driving cars is not a necessary routine in our daily life
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
.
Additionally
, down-town
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are not perfect locations for natural scenery,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot enjoy themselves in what could be chaotic conditions.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


However
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who hold a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
view and are not convinced by the above standpoint. Those who oppose the view consider is the price of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
in these central spots. It is true that
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the commuters") or simply say "most commuters".
most of commuters
cannot afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
in at the heart of a city’s commercial and business hubs. There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
counter evidence to suggest that replacing recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
near to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
will cause even heavier traffic
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
jams


In conclusion
, relocating parks and gardens may offer a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
solution for long travelling time. Meanwhile, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
doubts about whether it works. Each side both have valid concerns about the present situation, maybe we can try this method in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places, then look forward to seeing the results.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the best way to reduce time spent in traveling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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