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Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. v. 5
It is believed that the optimal solution to reduce the traffic accidents is to raise the driving required aged. Although I agree with this approach has some effect in the short terms I think the better solution is to impose the stricter laws. On the one hand, young people are not aware of the consequences of what they do. To begin with, they are more likely to drive a motorbike and a car with a high speed and easy to violate the traffic rules and they also have tended to run a red light, so many accidents happened by the younger. It is reasonable to require drivers who need to be old enough to join the traffic themselves. Moreover, the older people are having more experience, therefore, they are more capable of handling some situations on the roads. There are some researches show that almost of the road accidents are caused by younger drivers than the seniority. For example, there are many cases of younger do not wear the helmets when they are driving and speeding due to an unexpected death. On the other hand, increasing the driver’s age is only one of the measures to minimize the traffic accidents. Initially, children should be taught when studying in the primary school about the safe way when joining traffic. For instance, that project will help students understand the results of misbehaving in traffic and they can tell their parents when taking them from school to home. Furthermore, the government needs to give some strict law for the traffic offender such as a longer prison sentences for serious offence and fine a significant money in cases of driving without helmet, run a red light and drunk driving. To sum up, although restricting the people who can drive by their age, it is more important that people be educated about what they can and cannot do.
It
is believed
that the optimal solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
is to raise the driving required
"required aged" is only accepted in certain dialects. For something more widely acceptable, try "aging" or "to be aged".
aged
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this approach has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effect in the short terms I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the better solution is to impose the stricter laws.

On the one hand, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not aware of the consequences of what they do. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, they are more likely to drive a motorbike and a car with a high speed and easy to violate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
rules and
they
also
have tended to run a red light,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
happened by the younger. It is reasonable to require drivers who need to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
themselves.
Moreover
, the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are having more experience,
therefore
, they are more capable of handling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations on the roads. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that almost of the road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
are caused
by younger drivers than the seniority.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases of younger do not wear the helmets when they are driving and speeding due to an unexpected death.

On the other hand
, increasing the driver’s age is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one of the measures to minimize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
.
Initially
, children should
be taught
when studying in the primary school about the safe way when joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
.
For instance
, that project will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students understand the results of misbehaving in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
traffic and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
their parents when taking them from school to home.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strict law for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
offender such as a longer prison sentences for serious
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
and fine
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "significant money".
a significant money
in cases of driving without helmet, run a red light and drunk driving.

To sum up, although restricting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can drive by their age, it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
be educated
about what they can and cannot do.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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