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Some people think that space exploration is a waste of resources while others thinks that it is essential for mankind to continue to explore the universe in which we live. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that space exploration is a waste of resources while others thinks that it is essential for mankind to continue to explore the universe in which we live. v. 2
In this contemporary world, the curiosity about the universe has attracted the human being, which includes exorbitantly expensive researches. Some intellectuals consider this practice fruitful to the society, whereas others believe that it is unnecessary exploitation of the resources. This essay will discuss both the sides of the above notion, along with my opinion. To begin with, the former view, exploring the space reveals many mysterious things about the universe. Such practices are essential for the survival and development of the human being. Moreover, the new inventions in the field of space science have had incredible evolutions for the society. For instance, the invention of the satellite has brought revolutions to the modern world and improved the standard of living of the people. Furthermore, many researches carried out by scientists would be integrated to the success of the mankind and it will inspire the future generations for the prosperity of the society. Thus, the expensive research in the space will strengthen the existence of the mankind. On the other hand, some people suggest that the money, which is going to expense in the space research projects should be utilised to fight against the many problems of the society, such as poverty, poor health care, illiteracy and many more. There is a major section of the society, which lives under the poverty line. Thus the government should put more fiscal efforts to uplift their standard of living, rather than exploring the space. For example, in many African countries the health index is gradually declining due to extreme hunger and poor health care, while the global organizations must have come forward to save the community. The development of the society must be balanced between the scientific achievement and the global health index. In conclusion, the hunger of the knowledge uplifts the mankind, in my opinion, although the space exploration is beneficial to human being, the regime should provide equal funds to scientific projects as well as to the development of the society. This practice provides fruitful results for the next generations.
In this contemporary world, the curiosity about the universe has attracted the human being, which includes
exorbitantly
expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
intellectuals consider this practice fruitful to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, whereas others believe that it is unnecessary exploitation of the resources. This essay will discuss both the sides of the above notion, along with my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the former view, exploring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
reveals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mysterious things about the universe. Such practices are essential for the survival and development of the human being.
Moreover
, the new inventions in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
science have had incredible evolutions for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For instance
, the invention of the satellite has brought revolutions to the modern world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the standard of living of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
carried out by scientists would
be integrated
to the success of the mankind and it will inspire the future generations for the prosperity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Thus
, the expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
will strengthen the existence of the mankind.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest that the money, which is going to expense in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
projects should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
to fight against the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, such as poverty, poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care, illiteracy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. There is a major section of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
under the poverty line.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should put more fiscal efforts to uplift their standard of living,
rather
than exploring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
African countries the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
index is
gradually
declining due to extreme hunger and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care, while the global organizations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward to save the community. The development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be balanced
between the scientific achievement and the global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
index.

In conclusion
, the hunger of the knowledge uplifts the mankind, in my opinion, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration is beneficial to human being, the regime should provide equal funds to scientific projects
as well
as to the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. This practice provides fruitful results for the
next
generations.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that space exploration is a waste of resources while others thinks that it is essential for mankind to continue to explore the universe in which we live. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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