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Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. v. 3
Some individual believe that raising the minimum age for driving a car or motorbike best method for enhancing road safety. While I accept that this police is good to some extent, I think it is not the best because there are much better measures to reduce traffic accidents. It might be a good idea to increase the minimum age required for driving because of some reasons. First they are less mature and less life experience in their manners, they might not aware of the importance of following the rules. Therefore, it is reasonable to ban them from travelling on the street to prevent them breaking the law, causing accidents. Secondly, As older people are more experienced, they can know how to handle and avoid a dangerous situation on the road while younger ones might not be able to. To illustrate, if the brake of the car suddenly stops working, a young driver might panic, and accidents are more likely to occur. On the other hand, I think that better road safety can be achieved by other more effective method regardless rising up driving age. To begin with, more stringent traffic regulation should be imposed, which would act as a deterrent to would be traffic law breakers. Another solution is to encourage people to use public transport rather then private. This can be done by reducing the price of and increasing the frequency of buses and tubes to make it more convenient for users In conclusion, I believe apart from increasing the legal age of driving for driving, there are more effective ways to make sure that travelling on the street is safe for everyone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Did you mean "individuals"?
individual
believe that raising the minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
a car or
A determiner is probably missing here: "motorbike the best".
motorbike best
method for enhancing road safety. While I accept that this police is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is not the best
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are much better measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
traffic accidents.

It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to increase the minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
required for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.
First
they are less mature and less life experience in their manners, they
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
might not aware
of the importance of following the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
Therefore
, it is reasonable to ban them from travelling on the street to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them breaking the law, causing accidents.
Secondly
, As older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more experienced, they can know how to handle and avoid a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situation on the road while younger ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not be able to. To illustrate, if the brake of the car
suddenly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
working, a young driver
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
panic, and accidents are more likely to occur.

On the other hand
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that better road safety can
be achieved
by other more effective method regardless rising up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, more stringent traffic regulation should
be imposed
, which would act as a deterrent to would be traffic law breakers. Another solution is to encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
public transport
rather
Did you mean "than"? 'than' is used for comparisons, 'then' is an expression of time.
then
private. This can
be done
by reducing the price of and increasing the frequency of buses and tubes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more convenient for users

In conclusion
, I believe apart from increasing the legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
, there are more effective ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that travelling on the street is safe for everyone.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. v. 3

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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