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If a product is good or it meets people's needs, people will buy it. So advertising is unnecessary and no more than entertainment. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

If a product is good or it meets people's needs, people will buy it. So advertising is unnecessary and no more than entertainment. v. 1
In the modern world, masses purchase only those things which are of great quality and meet their requirements. Therefore, individuals believe that adverts are no longer needed, and these are just a source of entertainment. I completely disagree with the notion because advertisements help people to know about new products, and it influences them. To commence with, if companies advertise their products, the customers can come to know about their newly launched items as they not only gain information about its features, but also tell them how to use it. So, this is the prominent reason why advertisements are needed. For example, Apple, known for its quality products in the mobile phone industry, has captured a fifty percent market share in India after advertising its products in the Indian subcontinent because this brand provides accurate information in its promotion. Hence, advertisement plays a pivotal role to increase customer awareness and selling new products for organizations. Moreover, commercials also support the institutions to influence the consumers to purchase goods because there is a huge competition in the market among the competitors, and a number of high-quality products are available for sale. Thus to boost the sales, adverts are essential. For instance, in India, there are two big brands, namely Bajaj and Hero Honda, which manufacture motorbikes as end products of these brands are equally efficient, and they promote them to convince the people to buy their products. Thereby, it is apparent that advertising is vital in selling things. To summarize, advertisements are significant, even if the product quality is superior. In my opinion, it tells the masses about new launches as well as helps them to choose the right brand.
In the modern world, masses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those things which are of great quality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their requirements.
Therefore
, individuals believe that adverts are no longer needed, and these are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a source of entertainment. I completely disagree with the notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to know about new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, and it influences them.

To commence with, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
advertise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, the customers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know about their
newly
launched items as they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gain information about its features,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this is the prominent reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are needed
.
For example
, Apple, known for its quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in the mobile phone industry, has captured a fifty percent market share in India after advertising its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in the Indian subcontinent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
provides accurate information in its promotion.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
plays a pivotal role to increase customer awareness and selling new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
for organizations.

Moreover
, commercials
also
support the institutions to influence the consumers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is a huge competition in the market among the competitors, and a number of high-quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are available for sale.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
to boost the sales, adverts are essential.
For instance
, in India, there are two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
,
namely
Bajaj and Hero Honda, which manufacture motorbikes as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
are
equally
efficient, and they promote them to convince the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Thereby, it is apparent that advertising is vital in selling things.

To summarize
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are significant, even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
quality is superior. In my opinion, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
the masses about new launches
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to choose the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay If a product is good or it meets people's needs, people will buy it. So advertising is unnecessary and no more than entertainment. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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