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Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. v. 2
Road accidents have been one of the major reasons for deaths and severe injuries. It is stated by some individuals that in order to prevent accidents from happening, it is required to increase the minimum age for driving. This essay will completely disagree with this proposal and illustrate what other measures can prove to be more effective. According to one viewpoint, increasing the minimum driving age is beneficial because it is aimed at reducing the number of teenage drivers, since in numerous cases young drivers were the ones responsible for causing an accident. It is claimed that young people are not mature enough to fathom the idea that driving a vehicle is a serious task rather than a way of showing off in front of their peers. For example, the recently collected data suggests that for teenagers driving a car is a trendy activity to do. Thus, due to the mentioned above reason, increase of a minimum age of obtaining a driving license seems to be a feasible step. Nevertheless, road accidents happened not only as a result of a reckless behavior of young people. Statistics state that drunk driving causes accidents on the road nearly daily. In order to eliminate the danger, higher fines for drinking while operating a vehicle should be implemented because this step can bring financial damage to irresponsible drivers. For instance, should the fines account for 50% of an average salary, individuals will try to avoid being fined. Thus, bearing the mentioned idea in mind, other steps to avoid risks of road accidents should be taken. In conclusion, improvement of road safety has always been a vexed question. While some people consider that the rise of minimum driving age should be able to tackle this problem, this essay completely disagrees with the mentioned opinion since other steps might prove to be more beneficial and effective.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
have been one of the major reasons for deaths and severe injuries. It
is stated
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals that in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
from happening, it
is required
to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
. This essay will completely disagree with this proposal and illustrate what other measures can prove to be more effective.

According to one viewpoint, increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is aimed
at reducing the number of teenage drivers, since in numerous cases young drivers were the ones responsible for causing an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accident
. It
is claimed
that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to fathom the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
a vehicle is a serious task
rather
than a way of showing off in front of their peers.
For example
, the recently collected data suggests that for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
a car is a trendy activity to do.
Thus
, due to the mentioned above reason, increase of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of obtaining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
license seems to be a feasible step.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
happened not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
as a result
of a reckless behavior of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Statistics state that drunk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
nearly
daily. In order to eliminate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
, higher fines for drinking while operating a vehicle should
be implemented
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this step can bring financial damage to irresponsible drivers.
For instance
, should the fines account for 50% of an average salary, individuals will try to avoid
being fined
.
Thus
, bearing the mentioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
in mind, other steps to avoid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
should
be taken
.

In conclusion
, improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
safety has always been a vexed question. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that the rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should be able to tackle this problem, this essay completely disagrees with the mentioned opinion since other steps might prove to be more beneficial and effective.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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