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Some people think that teenagers who commit crimes should be treated the same way as adult criminals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that teenagers who commit crimes should be treated the same way as adult criminals. v. 2
Although in the past, crime among young adults was not frequent, nowadays is becoming a common trend. While some consider that they should be arrested like adults are, others think a different approach should be considered. Both parties could have their reasons but I firmly believe that a psychologically developing minor, should have a better chance at reintegration in society. As a starting point of discussion, let us examine the stage of life in which a teenager is in. With this idea in mind, it is important to focus in its mental development as well as in the social one. For instance, analysing each individual, psychologists can differentiate what is an adequate behaviour for an adolescent and a pathological one. This can be performed if a special follow up is made, but almost impossible if the young man is arrested. In addition to this point, is also important to understand the social background, as for example, if there is violence at home that could trigger this behaviour. These arguments are convincing, to analyse each case out of prison environment, but there is also one more persuasive point to consider. Now we shall reflect what is the role a society can have in reintegration of these minors. To clarify this, let us focus on some studies made and which activities can be performed. As an illustration, there are several scientific studies, from the New England Journal of Medicine, that reached the conclusion that a child can only modify pathologic or criminal behaviour, if the surrounding atmosphere is calm and relaxing, which do not happen in prisons. Finally, and more importantly, there is an option of a voluntary job in the community, that can help these individuals to learn the values of living in society. These supporting facts show us why we should care for a better option for this teenagers. In summary, considering the social background and mental development of a young adult, as well as for matters of reintegration in society, there are clearly better solutions beside prison for them.
Although in the past, crime among young adults was not frequent, nowadays is becoming a common trend. While
some
consider that they should
be arrested
like adults are, others
think
a
different
approach should
be considered
. Both parties could have their reasons
but
I
firmly
believe that a
psychologically
developing minor, should have a better chance at reintegration in society.

As a starting point of discussion,
let
us examine the stage of life in which a
teenager
is in. With this
idea
in mind, it is
important
to
focus in
its mental development
as well
as in the social one.
For instance
,
analysing
each individual, psychologists can differentiate what is an adequate
behaviour
for an adolescent and a pathological one. This can
be performed
if a special follow up
is made
,
but
almost impossible if the young
man
is arrested
.
In addition
to this point, is
also
important
to understand the social background, as
for example
, if there is violence at home that could trigger this
behaviour
. These arguments are convincing, to
analyse
each case out of prison environment,
but
there is
also
one more persuasive point to consider.

Now
we shall reflect what is the role a society can have in reintegration of these minors. To clarify this,
let
us focus on
some
studies made and which activities can
be performed
. As an illustration, there are several scientific studies, from the New England Journal of Medicine, that reached the conclusion that a child can
only
modify pathologic or criminal
behaviour
, if the surrounding atmosphere is calm and relaxing, which do not happen in prisons.
Finally
, and more
importantly
, there is an option of a voluntary job in the community, that can
help
these individuals to learn the values of living in society. These supporting facts
show
us why we should care for a better option for
this
teenagers
.

In summary, considering the social background and mental development of a young adult,
as well
as for matters of reintegration in society, there are
clearly
better solutions beside prison for them.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that teenagers who commit crimes should be treated the same way as adult criminals. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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