Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. What do you think is the reason for a growth in the rate of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this problem? v.4

It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. What do you think is the reason for a growth in the rate of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this problem? v. 4
It is apparent that juvenile delinquency has evolved to be a pressing concern especially in metropolitan areas, in recent decades. Although there exists a commonly held notion that juvenile crime stems from violence in the media, some other causes should be taken into consideration as well. There is a multitude of reasons spurring the growth of juvenile crime. Firstly, due to the development of the internet, Citizens especially teenagers have easier access to pronographic and aggressive materials. This means that adolescent will imitate exactly what are depicted on these images and videos, which in the long run acts as an contributor to mental health impairment leading to crime commission. Secondly, Poverty is the main factor that accelerates individuals’ crime commission at their early stage of life. In order to satisfy the living demand, some children especially those in the poverty-stricken regionss has become a pickpocket or a pilfer for their life maintanance, which probably can breed the future offenders for even more serious crime. Nevertheless, There are also a variety of solutions to alleviate this issue. First, there is an urgent demand for higher degree of parents supervision to the young people’s usage of the Internet. Due to a stricter restriction of internet usage, teenagers would be less sensitive to X-rated and other violent materials and subsequently have a heathier lifestyle. Second, The Government should create more jobs especially labor job to ensure a better standard of living for the young destitute citizens. For example, many unemployed adolescents in Vietnam now can make an honest living thanks to being offered labor jobs in governmental company and no longer have to steal money for survival. In conclusion, negative materials from media definitely not the sole factor leading to young people committing crime. Identifying the reasons behind this issue is the key to finding practical solutions.
It is apparent that juvenile delinquency has evolved to be a pressing concern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
especially
in metropolitan areas, in recent decades. Although there exists a
commonly
held notion that juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
stems from violence in the media,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other causes should
be taken
into consideration
as well
.

There is a multitude of reasons spurring the growth of juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Firstly
, due to the development of the internet, Citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have easier access to
Possible spelling mistake found.
pronographic
and aggressive materials. This means that adolescent will imitate exactly what
are depicted
on these images and videos, which in the long run acts as
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
contributor to mental health impairment leading to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
commission.
Secondly
, Poverty is the main factor that accelerates individuals’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
commission at their early stage of life. In order to satisfy the living demand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
especially
those in the poverty-stricken
Possible spelling mistake found.
regionss
has become a pickpocket or
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'pilfer' is correct. If 'pilfer' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a pilfer
for their life
Possible spelling mistake found.
maintanance
, which
probably
can breed the future offenders for even more serious crime.

Nevertheless
, There are
also
a variety of solutions to alleviate this issue.
First
, there is an urgent demand for higher degree of parents supervision to the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s usage of the Internet. Due to a stricter restriction of internet usage,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
would be less sensitive to X-rated and other violent materials and
subsequently
have a
Possible spelling mistake found.
heathier
lifestyle. Second, The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should create more jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
especially
labor job to ensure a better standard of living for the young destitute citizens.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unemployed adolescents in Vietnam
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an honest living thanks to
being offered
labor jobs in governmental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and no longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
steal money for survival.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
materials from media definitely not the sole factor leading to young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Identifying the reasons behind this issue is the key to finding practical solutions.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. What do you think is the reason for a growth in the rate of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this problem? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts