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Many criminals commit crimes after they were set free. Research indicates that the people who were convicted criminals would often commit crimes when they are set free. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this issue? v.2

Many criminals commit crimes after they were set free. Research indicates that the people who were convicted criminals would often commit crimes when they are set free. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this issue? v. 2
Nowadays in many countries, the crime rate is at a mammoth rate. Once the criminal is set free from prison, they will do the crime again. There are a number of reasons for this. I will discuss this in the below paragraphs. Firstly, when the criminals are sent to prison, if they become close to criminals   who committed notorious crimes, they will try to follow them. Also, in some jails, the criminals do some illegal activities by sitting in jail itself. Sometimes, they bring drugs inside the jail premises itself. If the criminals who committed a crime for the first time comes in contact with these criminals, they slowly become drug addicted. This not only disturbs their mind in a negative way as well, but they will not correct themselves once they are released from jail. Secondly, the society does not accept criminals once they are released. There are cases when even a family will get isolated from criminals.   Also, criminals find it very difficult to get jobs. This makes the criminal's mental upset and for the survival, they repeat the crime again and again. In order to solve this problem, the government should take some steps. Firstly, in jail, the system should be made in such a way that, the criminals will not indulge themselves in illegal activities. They should be monitored continuously inside the jail. Also, there should be cultural, spiritual programs organised in jail, so that the criminals mind gets prepared when they are released. In addition, criminals who are well talented in some activities like sports, arts, studies etc, should be encouraged. Convicts should be equipped with some useful skills during the detention period, as this will help them for survival after they released. One of the examples would be giving training on technical courses like plumbing or mechanical courses (Automobile repairs) or electronic repair courses etc. Thirdly, awareness should be created in the society so that the criminals are treated as normal human being's once they rejoin the society. There should be job opportunities given to the criminals depends on their talent and behaviour. To sum up, in my opinion, prevention is always better than cure. Criminals are like us, they are human beings. Some of them might commit crime due to the fact that situation makes them do. The government should create enough employment opportunities so that no one is unemployed. Also, there should be strict rules made about drug mafia so that no one gets into drug addiction. If the government takes these steps very effectively, we can expect crime free society in the near future.
Nowadays in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is at a mammoth rate.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Once
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
is set
free from prison, they will do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again. There are a number of reasons for this. I will discuss this in the below paragraphs.

Firstly
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to prison, if they become close to criminals
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
who committed notorious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, they will try to follow them.
Also
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jails
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illegal activities by sitting in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
itself.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, they bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
premises itself. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who committed a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
for the
first
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in contact with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, they
slowly
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addicted. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
disturbs their mind in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way
as well
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they will not correct themselves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
once
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
released
from jail.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
does not accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
once
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
released
. There are cases when even a family will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
isolated from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
find it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
jobs. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the criminal's mental upset and for the survival, they repeat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again and again.

In order to solve this problem, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps.
Firstly
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
, the system should
be made
in such a way that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
will not indulge themselves in illegal activities. They should
be monitored
continuously
inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
.
Also
, there should be cultural, spiritual programs
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
mind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gets
prepared when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
released
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who are well talented in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities like sports, arts, studies etc, should
be encouraged
. Convicts should
be equipped
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
during the detention period, as this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them for survival after they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
released
. One of the examples would be giving training on technical courses like plumbing or mechanical courses (Automobile repairs) or electronic repair courses etc.
Thirdly
, awareness should
be created
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are treated
as normal human being's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
once
they rejoin the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. There should be job opportunities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
depends on their talent and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

To sum up, in my opinion, prevention is always better than cure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Criminals
are like us, they are human beings.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them might commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
due to the fact that situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them do. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
employment opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that no one
is unemployed
.
Also
, there should be strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
made about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
mafia
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that no one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gets
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addiction. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
takes these steps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effectively
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in the near future.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many criminals commit crimes after they were set free. Research indicates that the people who were convicted criminals would often commit crimes when they are set free. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this issue? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
434 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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