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Some people think that teenagers who commit crimes should be treated the same way as adult criminals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that teenagers who commit crimes should be treated the same way as adult criminals. v. 1
A healthy citizen is a boon to the economic development of the country. Only the efforts of the healthy civilian can push the economic engine of the country to work at its highest efficiency. Some experts say that the government should make and enforce rules for physical well-being of their taxpayer. However, I believe that, people are more accountable for their own health than the regime. Firstly, the type of diet is the personal issue of the individual. Any interference in the personal life of the people can attract resistance from the public. For instance, enforcing a complete vegetarian meal can raise the issue among the advocates of meat-based products. This can be harmful for the harmony of the society. Secondly, working schedule of each person is different from the other. Some people are doing nine to five office jobs, while others are doing hard laborious work. Therefore, the nutritional needs of each person will vary based on the work they are doing. Consequently, making a general meal plan will make half population obese, while other struggling for proper nutrition. However, the state should lay some guidelines for a healthy diet. These guidelines should be based on the scientific studies for the nutritional requirements of a human body. Moreover, authority should invest in awareness programs to aware masses about calorific value of different kinds of food. For instance, in some country’s laws have been enforced by the ministry to mention the number of calories in the product while selling it. To sum it up, drafting a generalized diet plan by the state for their national will only be encountered by friction from the society. But an aware resident with proper guidance from rule can help in achieving the goal of a healthy society.
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
citizen is a boon to the economic development of the country.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
the efforts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
civilian can push the economic engine of the country to work at its highest efficiency.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
experts say that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
and enforce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for physical well-being of their taxpayer.
However
, I believe that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more accountable for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
health than the regime.

Firstly
, the type of diet is the personal issue of the individual. Any interference in the personal life of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can attract resistance from the public.
For instance
, enforcing a complete vegetarian meal can raise the issue among the advocates of meat-based products. This can be harmful for the harmony of the society.

Secondly
, working schedule of each person is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from the other.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are doing nine to five office jobs, while others are doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
laborious work.
Therefore
, the nutritional needs of each person will vary based on the work they are doing.
Consequently
, making a general meal plan will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
half population obese, while other struggling for proper nutrition.

However
, the state should lay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
guidelines for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet. These guidelines should
be based
on the scientific studies for the nutritional requirements of a human body.
Moreover
, authority should invest in awareness programs to aware masses about calorific value of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of food.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
country’s laws have
been enforced
by the ministry to mention the number of calories in the product while selling it.

To sum it up, drafting a generalized diet plan by the state for their national will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be encountered
by friction from the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
an aware resident with proper guidance from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in achieving the goal of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that teenagers who commit crimes should be treated the same way as adult criminals. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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