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Many criminals commit crimes after they were set free. Research indicates that the people who were convicted criminals would often commit crimes when they are set free. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this issue? v.1

Many criminals commit crimes after they were set free. Research indicates that the people who were convicted criminals would often commit crimes when they are set free. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this issue? v. 1
It is suggested from a research that the majority of criminals commit crimes when released from jails and this is a very dangerous thing to the society nowadays. I think we should make some regulations and practices to avoid happening this. The current situation is very worse due to this increasing number of crimes in the world everywhere. Most of the crimes are being done by criminals who were sent to the prison earlier. And this thing gives a feeling to me that if criminals commit crimes, again and again, there is a problem in our punishment system. Therefore government and people should take some actions on this. As I mentioned above, there might be many reasons for occurring crimes in the society. Firstly, criminals do not have a feeling about the society, culture and religion. Moreover, there is no humanity that can be seen in these criminals. So the Government can put some practices of brainwashing sessions to the prisoners on humanity, culture and other valuable things. Furthermore, it is better if there are some kind of sessions about the art, nature etc. Simply, I would like to highlight that criminals are also human beings and we have to make them think and feel properly before releasing them. Secondly, there might be a big punishment level rather than current one, according to the crime levels. Then people will fear to commit crimes continuously including prisoners who were set free. Thirdly, I think it would be great if the jail authority introduces an evaluation process of criminals inside the prison to identify who the better ones before releasing them are. So that we can have a mechanism to keep bad ones inside the prison until they come to a good mindset. To sum up, I think these crimes are happening due to the bad attitude of criminals. So when we are going to release a criminal, we have to make sure that this person might not commit a crime again when he is set free. To do this, the government has to take some actions inside the prison and then crime level might be controlled.
It
is suggested
from
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
that the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
when released from jails and this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
thing to the society nowadays. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regulations and
The verb 'practices' is used with the gerund form: "practices avoiding".
practices to avoid
happening this.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
worse due to this increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in the world everywhere. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are
being done
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
earlier. And this thing gives a feeling to me that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, again and again, there is a problem in our punishment system.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions on this.

As I mentioned above, there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for occurring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in the society.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
do not have a feeling about the society, culture and religion.
Moreover
, there is no humanity that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
can put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practices of brainwashing sessions to the prisoners on humanity, culture and other valuable things.
Furthermore
, it is better if there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "kinds"?
kind
of sessions about the art, nature etc.
Simply
, I would like to highlight that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are
also
human
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
beings and
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
and feel
properly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
releasing them.

Secondly
, there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
punishment level
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
one, according to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
levels. Then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will fear to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
continuously
including prisoners who
were set
free.

Thirdly
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it would be great if the jail authority introduces an evaluation process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
to identify who the better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
releasing them are.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that we can have a mechanism to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
until they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mindset.

To sum up, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are happening due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
attitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
when we are going to release a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that this person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again when he
is set
free. To do this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
and then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be controlled
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many criminals commit crimes after they were set free. Research indicates that the people who were convicted criminals would often commit crimes when they are set free. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this issue? v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
355 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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