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Some people think that teenagers should follow what the old people say whereas some believe that it is good for teenage people to challenge what old people say. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion v.1

Some people think that teenagers should follow what the old people say whereas some believe that it is good for teenage people to challenge what old people say. 1
Today, there are people who believe that the most beneficial for teenagers is to listen to advices of elderly people and to learn from their rich life experiences. However, there are also those who oppose this point of view and think that the youth will benefit more for challenging these advices and making their own choices. This essay will discuss both viewpoints before reaching conclusion. On one hand, it is undeniable that old people have a great knowledge of life and that the youth can learn a lot from them. After all, they were once young and they have lived through all life phases that teenagers are yet to discover. However, following the steps given from them, youngsters risk repeating the same mistakes as they once made. Moreover, old people are prone to acting like they know everything and are less likely to admit that they have made a wrong move in their youth for which they paid great cost. On the other hand, life would be monotonous if people did not oppose to their parents and grandparents and made their own decisions. Furthermore, young people who decided to explore life independently, contributed greatly to modern lifestyle that we know today. For instance, if they decided to live their grandparent’s lives all over again, we would not have the Internet, smartphones, electro-vehicles and other technological wonders. To conclude, even though elderly people are capable of giving advices to teenagers based on their personal experience, listening to them would likely stop teenagers from advancing as they will continuously go back and re-living lives of the ones they listened to. Therefore, in my opinion, teenagers will have greater benefit of challenging old people's life lessons and exploring the life on their own.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that the most beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
is to listen to advices of elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and to learn from their rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experiences.
However
, there are
also
those who oppose this point of view and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the youth will benefit more for challenging these advices and making their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choices. This essay will discuss both viewpoints
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching conclusion.

On one hand, it is undeniable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a great knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and that the youth can learn a lot from them.
After all
, they were once
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
young and
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
through all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
phases that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are
yet
to discover.
However
, following the steps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
from them, youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
repeating the same mistakes as they once made.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are prone to acting like they know everything and are less likely to admit that they have made a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in their youth for which they paid great cost.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
would be monotonous if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did not oppose to their parents and grandparents and made their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions.
Furthermore
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who decided to explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
independently
, contributed
greatly
to modern lifestyle that we know
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
For instance
, if they decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their grandparent’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
all over again, we would not have the Internet, smartphones,
Possible spelling mistake found.
electro-vehicles
and other technological wonders.

To conclude
,
even though
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are capable of giving advices to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
based on their personal experience, listening to them would likely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
from advancing as they will
continuously
go back and re-living
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the ones they listened to.
Therefore
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
will have greater benefit of challenging
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
lessons and exploring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Some people think that teenagers should follow what the old people say whereas some believe that it is good for teenage people to challenge what old people say. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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