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For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited those when necessary. v.2

For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited those when necessary. v. 2
Introduction of shopping plazas to every nook and corner of the country, especially in cities, has inspired many to enjoy their spare time with friends, do shopping and have meals there. Shopping for people's basic need seems like an old trend. This changing drift is likely to accentuate in the coming decades. I believe this trend has an adverse effect on the young generation and frequent shoppers. Modern shopping centres play a quintessential part by offering various products under a single roof ranging from smallest to largest and smartest equipment and gadgets, costumes, ornaments, all types of fruits, vegetables, beauty products, kitchen appliances and so on. Besides, these shopping complexes have movie theatres, coffee shops, kid's corner and food court to attract more people to spend their free time. However, people knowingly and unknowingly are becoming shopaholic, consuming junk food and spending unproductive time. This has a detrimental effect on people, particularly on the young minds. They often skip their classes to meet friends at a shopping mall, have aerated drinks, eat junk foods and avoid outdoor activities. Furthermore, people's urge to purchase things they do not need creates a monetary asymmetry and put them in debts. When parents should take their children to a park or to a museum, they are actually taking them to a shopping mall and feeding them fast food. This will foster a disaster in terms of our future generation's health and education. To conclude, I believe that killing a great deal of time in shopping centres will become a stagnated issue in the future. I strongly feel that shopping malls should be used as a place for purchasing essential commodities rather than a place for leisure activity or a recreational area.
Introduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
plazas to every nook and corner of the country,
especially
in cities, has inspired
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to enjoy their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with friends, do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and have meals there.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's basic need seems like an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
trend. This changing drift is likely to accentuate in the coming decades. I believe this trend has an adverse effect on the young generation and frequent shoppers.

Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
play a quintessential part by offering various products under a single roof ranging from smallest to largest and smartest equipment and gadgets, costumes, ornaments, all types of fruits, vegetables, beauty products, kitchen appliances and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Besides
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complexes have movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
, coffee shops, kid's corner and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
court to attract more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
knowingly
and
unknowingly
are becoming shopaholic, consuming junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and spending unproductive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This has a detrimental effect on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
particularly
on the young minds. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
skip their classes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
friends at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall, have aerated drinks, eat junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and avoid outdoor activities.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's urge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
things they do not need creates a monetary asymmetry and put them in debts. When parents should take their children to a park or to a museum, they are actually taking them to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall and feeding them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. This will foster a disaster in terms of our future generation's health and education.

To conclude
, I believe that killing a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
will become a stagnated issue in the future. I
strongly
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a place for purchasing essential commodities
rather
than a place for leisure activity or a recreational area.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited those when necessary. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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