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Some people think that teenagers should follow what the old people say whereas some believe that it is good for teenage people to challenge what old people say. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that teenagers should follow what the old people say whereas some believe that it is good for teenage people to challenge what old people say. v. 2
Whether or not, youngsters should tread along the beaten path followed by their previous generations is a debatable topic. Conservatives believe that adolescents should stick to the advice of their elders while progressives think that they should question the age old notions. In this essay I will shed some light on both sides of this debate Some people take the adage ‘old is gold’ quite literally. They believe that those of a mature age possess the knowledge and wisdom that has been tried and tested. For instance, when I used to have a toothache as a young boy, my grandmother used to give me cloves to chew on. It used to work wonders and I would get better without having to visit the doctor. In fact, over the years, medical science has come to accept a lot of traditional ways of treating diseases that have been passed on from one generation to the next. Thus it is reasonable to see why youngsters should follow the advice of their elders in some areas. On the other hand, there are valid reasons for challenging the views of older people. Firstly, we live in a fast paced world where science and technology are progressing at a breakneck speed. The society in which an octogenarian was brought up is vastly different from the one that a teenager lives in today. Thus, the opinions that an elder may have about a specific issue, may have been formed based on a completely different set of assumptions. For instance, many old people in India are superstitious, and believe in using astrology to take important decisions such as choosing a life partner. It is obvious that if a young couple are in love and wish to marry, they should question their elders who may be against their personal decision based on old dogmas. In conclusion, I believe that both views have their own merits. Old people have a treasure trove of knowledge that relates to our very basic human instincts and nature. This would serve young people well. However, the fast changing nature of the world means that some old traditions and beliefs might be obsolete and hence should be questioned by the youngsters.
Consider shortening this phrase to just "Whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Whether or not
, youngsters should
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
tread
along the beaten path followed by their previous generations is a debatable topic. Conservatives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that adolescents should stick to the advice of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
while progressives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should question the age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
notions. In this essay I will shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on both sides of this debate

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take the adage ‘
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
is gold’ quite
literally
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that those of a mature age possess the knowledge and wisdom that has
been tried
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
.
For instance
, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have a toothache as a young boy, my grandmother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to give me cloves to chew on. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to work wonders and I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better without having to visit the doctor. In fact, over the years, medical science has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to accept
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
traditional ways of treating diseases that have
been passed
on from one generation to the
next
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it is reasonable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
why youngsters should follow the advice of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas.

On the other hand
, there are valid reasons for challenging the views of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced world where science and technology are progressing at a breakneck speed. The society in which an octogenarian
was brought
up is
vastly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from the one that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
Thus
, the opinions that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
may have about a specific issue, may have
been formed
based on a completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
set of assumptions.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in India are superstitious, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
in using astrology to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decisions such as choosing a life partner. It is obvious that if a young couple are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and wish to marry, they should question their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
who may be against their personal decision based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
dogmas.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that both views have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a treasure trove of knowledge that relates to our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
basic human instincts and nature. This would serve young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
well.
However
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
changing nature of the world means that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
traditions and beliefs might be obsolete and
hence
should
be questioned
by the youngsters.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that teenagers should follow what the old people say whereas some believe that it is good for teenage people to challenge what old people say. v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
366 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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