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International travel is becoming cheaper and more countries are opening their doors to increase the number of tourists. Do the advantages of increasing tourism outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

International travel is becoming cheaper and more countries are opening their doors to increase the number of tourists. Do the advantages of increasing tourism outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Travel between countries is much cheaper nowadays than a few years back and a new approach is being taken by more countries to motivate tourism. This resulted in a significant increase in tourism in recent years. This essay will argue that the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages. The essay will firstly discuss the state the reasons on which this increase in tourism is advantageous The main advantage for increasing tourism in any country is the increase in its income. Many countries have limited renewable sources of revenue and increasing tourism will result in additional source of income. For example, Dubai’s main source of income is tourism and this comes before fuel exporting. The increase in tourism will not be only beneficial to the country, it has an advantage to the people as well. When people travel more they will increase their awareness. Travelling to new countries will expose the tourists to new cultures and societies, thus expanding one’s perspective and judgments on others. Although people will argue that the increase in tourism results in disease spreading, the travel process is helping in avoiding these scenarios by checking the visitor’s health history. Thus, the main disadvantage of the increase in tourism is not valid. In conclusion, the cheaper tourism expenses and countries movement to encourage tourism can only lead to beneficial outcomes for both countries and people. In such, the advantages of additional income to the country and an increase of awareness to the people outweigh the main disadvantage of health and safety.
Travel between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is much cheaper nowadays than a few years back and a new approach is
being taken
by more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
. This resulted in a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
in recent years. This essay will argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of this outweigh the disadvantages. The essay will
firstly
discuss the state the reasons on which this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
advantageous


The
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main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
for increasing
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tourism
in any
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country
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have limited renewable sources of revenue and increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
will result in additional source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
.
For example
, Dubai’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
fuel exporting. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
will not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
beneficial to the
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country
, it has an
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advantage
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
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people
travel more they will
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increase
their awareness. Travelling to new
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countries
will expose the tourists to new cultures and societies,
thus
expanding one’s perspective and judgments on others.

Although
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people
will argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
results in disease spreading, the travel process is helping in avoiding these scenarios by checking the visitor’s health history.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
disadvantage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is not valid.

In conclusion
, the cheaper
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tourism
expenses and
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countries
movement to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lead to beneficial outcomes for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In such, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
of awareness to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
disadvantage of health and safety.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS essay International travel is becoming cheaper and more countries are opening their doors to increase the number of tourists. Do the advantages of increasing tourism outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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