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Some people think that team sports prepare children for work life but others think individual sports are better. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.3

Some people think that team sports prepare children for work life but others think individual sports are better. v. 3
Playing sports in teams is considered by many to be an efficient way of getting children ready for the corporate world, while others believe individual sports are better. Although individual disciplines develop important personal qualities in young people, in my opinion, team games refine their social skills which are more crucial for industry. On the one hand, being an individual athlete requires a child to be self-reliant and have a deep understanding or their own abilities and this is why some people think it is good for developing into a professional at work. In other words, such athletes are focused on themselves so they do not need to cooperate with others. For instance, if a gymnast were to injure themselves during a display, they cannot rely on a substitute, nevertheless, they may, using other strengths, modify the exercise making it safe and still spectacular. On the other hand, it is often believed that team sports are better for future career because they teach children communication skills and how to work effectively with others, and I agree. In my view, what is most crucial in collaboration with subordinates, colleagues and management is the ability to accept people with different views and to come to an agreement. To illustrate, however self-reliant or self-aware an expert is, he or she might not be able to negotiate with partners or clients which could result in companies losing profit. This, in its turn, becomes the reason why a person will not be promoted. In conclusion, although individual sports helps children to act autonomously and gain self-awareness, they do not foster social cooperation In my view, I am deeply convinced that strong social skills nurtured in team games are essential for making a successful career.
Playing
sports
in
teams
is considered
by
many
to be an efficient way of getting children ready for the corporate world, while others believe
individual
sports
are better. Although
individual
disciplines develop
important
personal qualities in young
people
, in my opinion,
team
games refine their social
skills
which are more crucial for industry.

On the one hand, being an
individual
athlete requires a child to be self-reliant and have a deep understanding or their
own
abilities and this is why
some
people
think
it is
good
for developing into a professional at work. In
other
words, such athletes
are focused
on themselves
so
they do not need to cooperate with others.
For instance
, if a gymnast were to injure themselves during a display, they cannot rely on a substitute,
nevertheless
, they may, using
other
strengths, modify the exercise making it safe and
still
spectacular.

On the
other
hand, it is
often
believed that
team
sports
are better for future career
because
they teach children communication
skills
and how to work
effectively
with others, and I
agree
. In my view, what is most crucial in collaboration with subordinates, colleagues and management is the ability to accept
people
with
different
views and to
come
to an agreement. To illustrate,
however
self-reliant or self-aware an expert is, he or she might not be able to negotiate with partners or clients which could result in
companies
losing profit. This, in its turn, becomes the reason why a person will not
be promoted
.

In conclusion
, although
individual
sports
helps
children to act
autonomously
and gain self-awareness, they do not foster social cooperation In my view, I am
deeply
convinced that strong social
skills
nurtured in
team
games are essential for making a successful career.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that team sports prepare children for work life but others think individual sports are better. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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