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Some people think that team sports prepare children for work life but others think individual sports are better. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. 21. 8 v.4

Some people think that team sports prepare children for work life but others think individual sports are better. 21. 8 v. 4
Sports is an essential part of everyone's life, particularly, children. Owing to this, it is believed by some that children's gets prepared for their career by team sports while in others view playing individually is better. In my view, team spirit is more important than independent play. On the one hand, playing in coordination with other people assist them in learning many essential life skills such as team spirit because in later life also people have to work with different teams in their career and it is extremely important that they do not feel complicated in working with others on their team. In addition, childhood is the best time to incorporate such skills in children because at this stage learning curve is not much complicated and sport is the best platform to teach team spirit. Individual sports, on the other hand, has its own significance in the professional life. According to its advocates, it prepares children to take their decision independently, which is crucial in work life also. As there are many scenarios in a person's life where he has to take his decision on its own and solo sport is the way to teach children to take critical decisions individually. Finally, in my opinion, playing in a team can teach more crucial abilities for future professional life, namely team coordination and decision making as there are times when a team member has to take final decisions not only for himself but for for all members. To conclude, in my perspective solo play and team play both has an important role to play, but the former is more crucial and can prepare children more strongly for their future life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
is an essential part of everyone's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
particularly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Owing to this, it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
prepared for their career by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
while in others view playing
individually
is better. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
spirit is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than independent play.

On the one hand, playing in coordination with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assist them in learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
spirit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
in their career and it is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that they do not feel complicated in working with others on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
.
In addition
, childhood is the best time to incorporate such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at this stage learning curve is not much complicated and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is the best platform to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
spirit.

Individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
significance in the professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. According to its advocates, it prepares
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
independently
, which is crucial in work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
also
. As there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scenarios in a person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
where he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
on its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and solo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is the way to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to take critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
individually
.

Finally
, in my opinion, playing in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
can teach more crucial abilities for future professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
namely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
coordination and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
as there are times when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
member
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for himself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible typo: you repeated a word
for for
all members.

To conclude
, in my perspective solo play and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
play both has an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to play,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the former is more crucial and can prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more
strongly
for their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that team sports prepare children for work life but others think individual sports are better. 21. 8 v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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