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Some people think that team sports prepare children for work life but others think individual sports are better. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that team sports prepare children for work life but others think individual sports are better. v. 1
Playing sports in teams is considered by many to be efficient to get children ready for corporate world, while others disagree. Although individual disciplines develop important personal qualities in youth, in my opinion, team games refine their social skills which are crucial in work environment. On the one hand, some people think that to compete as individual as well as to be a professional at work a person needs to be self-reliant and have a deep understanding of own abilities. In other words, such athletes are focused on themselves so they do not need to cooperate with others. For instance, being injured during the display, a gymnast cannot rely on a substitute, nevertheless, they may, using other strengths, modify the exercise making it safe and still spectacular. However, in my view, these are not ample qualities to thrive at work. On the other hand, it is often believed that team sports teach children communication skills and how to work effectively with others, and I agree. What is the most crucial in collaboration with subordinates, colleagues and management is the ability to accept people with different views and to come to an agreement. To illustrate, whatever independent or self-aware an expert is, he or she might not be able to negotiate with partners or clients which would results in company loosing profit. This, in its turn, becomes the reason why a person will not be promoted. In conclusion, people have opposite views on whether team or individual sports prepare youngsters for work atmosphere better. In my view, I am deeply convinced that strong social skills nurtured in team games are essential for making a successful career.
Playing sports in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to be efficient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
children ready for corporate world, while others disagree. Although individual disciplines develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
personal qualities in youth, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
games refine their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which are crucial in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that to compete as individual
as well
as to be a professional at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
a person needs to be self-reliant and have a deep understanding of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
abilities. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, such athletes
are focused
on themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not need to cooperate with others.
For instance
,
being injured
during the display, a gymnast cannot rely on a substitute,
nevertheless
, they may, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
strengths, modify the exercise making it safe and
still
spectacular.
However
, in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
, these are not ample qualities to thrive at work.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
sports teach children communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
effectively
with others, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. What is the most crucial in collaboration with subordinates, colleagues and management is the ability to accept
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to an agreement. To illustrate, whatever independent or self-aware an expert is, he or she might not be able to negotiate with partners or clients which would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "result"
results
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
loosing profit. This, in its turn, becomes the reason why a person will not
be promoted
.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have opposite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
on whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
or individual sports prepare youngsters for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
atmosphere better. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
, I am
deeply
convinced that strong social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
nurtured in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
games are essential for making a successful career.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that team sports prepare children for work life but others think individual sports are better. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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