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An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems do this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with situation? v.11

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems do this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with situation? v. 11
Working in another country instead of their motherland is becoming a popular trend among many professions, namely doctors and teachers. Many people explain the situation by pointing out that these people are opting for more working opportunities, which would be otherwise unavailable in their developing country. There are feasible solutions to this brain-drain problem; one to be mentioned is the provision of equal benefits to what these professionals can gain from a prosperous foreign country. There are many reasons attribute to the flock of migrating professionals. An acceptable explanation is due to the number of job vacancies being widely available in developed countries comparing to their counterparts, which allow the intellects have a variety of choices, as well as avoid the severe competition in their host nation. For example, many fresh graduated doctors and nurses in Vietnam have migrated to Japan, where there is a high demand for medical service as their population is getting aged. Thus, these doctors admit they have been rewarded a competitive amount of salary and a learning opportunity with advanced technology, which are the advantages they can hardly ever receive if worked in domestic hospitals of their poor home country. The main possible solution is to improve government mandatory benefits for them. To be more specific, these benefits can vary from providing a free lifetime health insurance to giving them free access to first-class updated labs, libraries and top-notch technology facilities. The Korean government, for instance, has provided private homes to doctors who have a considerable contribution to the country’s medicine industry. As a result, most of those who live here believe this is not only an ideal place to carry on and develop their knowledge but also an honorable award the country gave them. Eventually, they appreciated it greatly that they find it extremely hard to leave the country. In conclusion, many countries are losing their professionals, such as those who work in medicine and education fields since these people are looking for a better job opportunity in another more developed country. It is vital the government takes action in preventing this brain-drain trend by effective ways to ensure national development.
Working in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
instead
of their motherland is becoming a popular trend among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professions,
namely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and teachers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the situation by pointing out that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are opting for more working opportunities, which would be
otherwise
unavailable in their developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. There are feasible solutions to this brain-drain problem; one to
be mentioned
is the provision of equal benefits to what these professionals can gain from a prosperous foreign country.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons attribute to the flock of migrating professionals. An acceptable explanation is due to the number of job vacancies being
widely
available in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
comparing to their counterparts, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the intellects have a variety of choices,
as well
as avoid the severe competition in their host nation.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fresh graduated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and nurses in Vietnam have migrated to Japan, where there is a high demand for medical service as their population is getting aged.
Thus
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
admit they have
been rewarded
a competitive amount of salary and a learning opportunity with advanced technology, which are the advantages they can hardly ever receive if worked in domestic hospitals of their poor home country.

The main possible solution is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
mandatory benefits for them. To be more specific, these benefits can vary from providing a free lifetime health insurance to giving them free access to
first
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
updated labs, libraries and top-notch technology facilities. The Korean
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
for instance
, has provided private homes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
who have a considerable contribution to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
medicine industry.
As a result
, most of those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
here believe this is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
an ideal place to carry on and develop their knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
an honorable award the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
gave them.
Eventually
, they appreciated it
greatly
that they find it
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the country.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are losing their professionals, such as those who work in medicine and education fields since these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are looking for a better job opportunity in another more developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It is vital the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
takes action in preventing this brain-drain trend by effective ways to ensure national development.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems do this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with situation? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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