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Some people think that team sports prepare children for work life but others think individual sports are better. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people think that team sports prepare children for work life but others think individual sports are better. v. 2
It is argued by some that team sports prepare children for work life, while there are other who think that individual sports are better. In my opinion, playing team sports is essential for professional life, while individual sports will make ourselves healthier. On the one hand, many think playing with a group of people is way more easier. Team sports consists of enormous number of strategies, and we will get to know about how team work is done. Secondly, a individual can develop various skills in such as leadership qualities and other interpersonal skills, which puts us one step ahead of others where, it will be helpfull in future. For instance, during job interviews they expect some main qualities from us, and Leadership skill and how to handle team members is one of them. On the other hand, Individual sports will help us to make our body fit and healthier. Moreover, the competetive mindset increases and it will be much simple for us to finish the game easier. The amount of hard work we put in will make us more hungry and passionate about things and allows us to able to achieve the task. Finally, In my opinion, whether playing in team sport or individual sport, it depends on how the person take it. If he thinks playing in team sport will not be useful for development for his life then he made a mistake. each person should develop certain attributes using these sports. In conclusion, inorder to be successfull in life requires certain skills or experience depending on the type of field and work. People should make sure that they attain specific skills using these two types of sports
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
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team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
prepare children for
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work
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life
, while there are
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "others"?
other
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
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individual
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sports
are better. In my opinion,
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playing
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team
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sports
is essential for professional
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life
, while
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individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will
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make
ourselves healthier.

On the one hand,
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many
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think
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playing
with a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is way
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
.
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Team
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sports
consists of enormous number of strategies, and we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about how
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team
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work
is done
.
Secondly
,
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
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individual
can develop various
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skills
in such as leadership qualities and
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other
interpersonal
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skills
, which puts us one step ahead of others where, it will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
helpfull
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
For instance
, during job interviews they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
main qualities from us, and Leadership
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skill
and how to handle
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team
members is one of them.

On the
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other
hand,
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Individual
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sports
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
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make
our body fit and healthier.
Moreover
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
competetive
mindset increases and it will be much simple for us to finish the game easier. The amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
we put in will
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make
us more hungry and passionate about things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us
Did you mean "to be able"?
to able
to achieve the task.

Finally
, In my opinion, whether
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playing
in
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team
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sport
or
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individual
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sport
, it depends on how the person take it. If he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
will not be useful for development for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
then he made a mistake.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
each
person should develop certain attributes using these sports.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
inorder
to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
successfull
in
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life
requires certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
or experience depending on the type of field and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sure that they attain specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
using these two types of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
sports
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Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people think that team sports prepare children for work life but others think individual sports are better.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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