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Many regions in the world rely on tourism for the revenue it generates. However, some people complain about the problems that come with tourism. What are some of these problems and how can they be solved? v.2

Many regions in the world rely on tourism for the revenue it generates. However, some people complain about the problems that come with tourism. What are some of these problems and how can they be solved? v. 2
Nowadays, commercial tourism is developing over countries. It becomes the key economy in some areas, with huge profit, but less investment than the others. By contrast, many argue that there would be some drawbacks from this business. It seems to me that tourism may cause bad effects on at many beautiful sights and their environment. In order to solve this issue, local leaders and citizen+S should have a brief plan for long term development, and invest more on in environmental preservation. Tourism might damage tourist sites by many ways. First of all, natural areas like forestry, beaches would make room for more resorts, streets, restaurants and other facilities that are built for tourism services. For instance, natural habitats of wild animals are likely to be narrowed. That can lead to animal immigration to further places, or a reduction in animal quantity. Moreover, the environment is polluted by smoke from vehicles, noises and garbage. In addition, local natural resources can be over exploited for economy purpose. Eventually, the environment has to face with many negative aspects since wild, beautiful zones open for business. As well as making more money, tourism should be well- planned and aim to a sustainable development. Government has to limit urbanize in order to protect wildlife and natural landscapes. Otherwise, they should invest more for environmental protection such as planting more trees, public hygiene, eco- friendly transports. Local citizen themselves play an important part in this plan. They have to get involved in protecting and building up a friendly and civilized society. In conclusion, the demand for travelling in increasing and tourism can make more revenue than it used to. However, to minimize the drawbacks that tourism could bring to the environment, local government and their citizen should have a proper plan to develop their services sustainable and environmentally friendly.
Nowadays, commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is developing over countries. It becomes the key economy in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas, with huge profit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
less investment than the others. By contrast,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
argue that there would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks from this business. It seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
may cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
sights and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. In order to solve this issue,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
leaders and citizen+S should have a brief plan for long term development, and invest more on in environmental preservation.

Tourism might damage tourist sites by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
areas like forestry, beaches would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
room for more resorts, streets, restaurants and other facilities that
are built
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
services.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
habitats of wild animals are likely to
be narrowed
. That can lead to animal immigration to
further
places, or a reduction in animal quantity.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is polluted
by smoke from vehicles, noises and garbage.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources can be over exploited for economy purpose.
Eventually
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
face with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects since wild,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
zones open for business.

As well
as making more money,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
should be well- planned and aim to a sustainable development.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
limit urbanize in order to protect wildlife and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
landscapes.
Otherwise
, they should invest more for environmental protection such as planting more trees, public hygiene,
Possible spelling mistake found.
eco
- friendly transports.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Local
citizen themselves play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in this plan. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in protecting and building up a friendly and civilized society.

In conclusion
, the demand for travelling in increasing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more revenue than it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to.
However
, to minimize the drawbacks that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
could bring to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and their citizen should have a proper plan to develop their services sustainable and
environmentally
friendly.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many regions in the world rely on tourism for the revenue it generates. However, some people complain about the problems that come with tourism. What are some of these problems and how can they be solved? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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