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Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion? v.1

Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion? v. 1
Intelligence has a broad significance, as it can be defined in various ways. It is commonly believed that intelligence is a reflection of one's success, whereas other people assume that it can be determined by other means. It is my belief that intelligence depends on a multiple of factors. First of all, success is thought to be the primary evidence of intelligence. This is because, nowadays, intelligent people seem to be the most successful on a personal level and also financially. Being very rational and considerate, those who are smart have a particular way of approaching situations in life. As a result, their attentive calculativeness leads them to success. For instance, the owners of all the social medias we are able to use today were created by people with a very high intelligence quotient intelligence quotient, which has undoubtedly led them to great success. On the other hand, intelligence can be made apparent through other factors. The manner in which people assemble various thoughts and reflect them in their speech speaks loudly about their intelligence, as well as their ability to acquire knowledge and skills. For example, a man that has been recently accepted as a new employee can easily dinstinguish himself by his readiness to quickly absorb new understanding that is required for the role he was appointed to. Finally, it may be concluded that intelligence can be defined by both success and other means. However, other factors are a more accurate way of examining one's degree of intelligence, such as taking into consideration their abilities to gather understanding and express themselves.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Intelligence
has a broad significance, as it can
be defined
in various ways.

It is
commonly
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
is a reflection of one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assume that it can
be determined
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
means. It is my belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
depends on a multiple of factors.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be the primary evidence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, nowadays, intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seem to be the most successful on a personal level and
also
financially
. Being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rational and considerate, those who are smart have a particular way of approaching situations in life.
As a result
, their attentive
Possible spelling mistake found.
calculativeness
leads them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
For instance
, the owners of all the social medias we are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
were created
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
quotient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
quotient, which has
undoubtedly
led them to great success.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
can
be made
apparent through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors. The manner in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assemble various thoughts and reflect them in their speech speaks
loudly
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
,
as well
as their ability to acquire knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
that has been recently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
as a new employee can
easily
Possible spelling mistake found.
dinstinguish
himself by his readiness to
quickly
absorb new understanding that
is required
for the role he
was appointed
to.

Finally
, it may
be concluded
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
can
be defined
by both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
means.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors are a more accurate way of examining one's degree of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
, such as taking into consideration their abilities to gather understanding and express themselves.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
263 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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