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Some people think that studying history is a waste of time while others think that it is essential to learn. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that studying history is a waste of time while others think that it is essential to learn. v. 2
While it is no doubt that history is being played vital role in the life of humans. History tells us about the past time. How people lived. In this way, some individuals believe that learning history is a waste of time. While other people reckon that it is very necessary to learn. Hence, I will discuss both view points as well as add my own opinion in the below paragraphs. To start with, those people who claim that history is not important, because they say it wastes the time of the experts. Firstly, people know very well, history part is too long, which consumes more time of the people. For example, if a person wants to know about the before time. He or she will have to study in the first lesson. When they choose second lesson. It also goes waste, as they have no knowledge. Nevertheless, they consider that history is a waste of time. On the other hand, certain masses opine that it is very essential studying about the past time. First and foremost advantages is that, it helps to introduce the in depth of information about the history. For instance, it keeps connecting with the culture as well as traditions. Also people know that how they lived and ate. Therefore, people want to enjoy their culture with different ways. To conclude, even though history is a waste lots of time the people, yet it is very necessary learning about the past time. I judge that history has a own enjoyment, which keeps to connect with the before time.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
it is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is
being played
vital role in the life of humans.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
us about the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. How
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
. In this way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reckon that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary to learn.
Hence
, I will discuss both view points
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion in the below paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they say it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of the experts.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
part is too long, which consumes more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, if a person wants to know about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. He or she will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study in the
first
lesson. When they choose second lesson. It
also
goes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
, as they have no knowledge.
Nevertheless
, they consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
of time.

On the other hand
, certain masses opine that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential studying about the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
First
and foremost advantages is that, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to introduce the in depth of information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
For instance
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
connecting with the culture
as well
as traditions.
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know that how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
and ate.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to enjoy their culture with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways.

To conclude
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "lot"?
lots
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
yet
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary learning about the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I judge that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
has
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
enjoyment, which
The verb 'keeps' is used with the gerund form: "keeps connecting".
keeps to connect
with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that studying history is a waste of time while others think that it is essential to learn. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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