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Some people think that students who don't take a break in studies between highschool or universities is disadvantages. compare to who travels and work after highschools. do you agree or disagree. v.2

Some people think that students who don't take a break in studies between highschool or universities is disadvantages. compare to who travels and work after highschools. v. 2
In some developed countries, many people have believe that the pupils do not have break during studies because it create had effect on their grades. However, other think it has advantageous for students. so they can experience practical skill. Hence, I partially agree with the given statement. There are several benefits are the after higher secondary education break a before tertiary education. In addition, students get a opportunity to have decided the own interests fields choosen. after the some work experience. Thus, Sabbatical year is a product key of progressive thinking. Moreover, pupils get a chance to learn a new skills and numerous good qualities. Like as disciplines, manners, punctuality and financial management. example many students has work in part-time job because of earning money and this money can be used for the university' s fees. Furthermore, travel broadens the mind of students and this might be helpful them to gain valuable experience. many students who travels in different countries to acquire knowledge for culture, tradition and new language. Besides young people has would be mature enough to choose the path they would be like. However, there are many drawbacks as well as, some students may not return to pursue their studies. examples, a person in job may find it enough for him to continue in their work. In addition, a youngster students are attracted to money. So they can get mislead in some other way. In conclusion, youngster students should work or travel for a year after highschool to able them to decide their future. as well as some this may be failure.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
Use past participle here: "believed".
believe
that the pupils do not have break during studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Did you mean "creates"?
create
had effect on their grades.
However
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it has advantageous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
they can experience practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
Hence
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement.

There are several benefits are the after higher secondary education break a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
tertiary education.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
opportunity to have decided the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interests fields
Possible spelling mistake found.
choosen
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
after
the
Did you mean "same"?
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience.
Thus
, Sabbatical year is a product key of progressive thinking.
Moreover
, pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to learn a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
qualities. Like as disciplines, manners, punctuality and financial management.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in part-time job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of earning money and this money can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
university&
#039; s fees.
Furthermore
, travel broadens the mind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and this might be helpful them to gain valuable experience.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
Did you mean "travel"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'students' should be used.
travels
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries to acquire knowledge for culture, tradition and new language.
Besides
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
would be mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to choose the path they would be like.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks
as well
as,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may not return to pursue their studies.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
examples
, a person in job may find it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for him to continue in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
In addition
, a youngster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are attracted
to money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
mislead in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other way.

In conclusion
, youngster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or travel for a year after
Possible spelling mistake found.
highschool
Did you mean "to be able"?
to able
them to decide their future.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
well as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
this may be failure.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that students who don't take a break in studies between highschool or universities is disadvantages. compare to who travels and work after highschools. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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