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Some people only have pets to not feel lonely, for example, but they don’t always take proper care of them. Do you think people who don’t always take proper care of their pets should be allowed to keep them? v.2

Some people only have pets to not feel lonely, for example, but they don’t always take proper care of them. Do you think people who don’t always take proper care of their pets should be allowed to keep them? v. 2
Nowadays, having pets at home is a modern trend. There are various reasons why to have pets in your house. Normally, people use to have pets because they need to get rid of depression or they need to kill the boredom. Therefore, they have pets in their house so that they do not have a feeling of loneliness. These days, there is an ongoing debate between people that those who do not take proper care of pets should not be allowed to keep them. In this essay, I shall provide my point of view. Firstly, if a person cannot take good care of the domestic animal then he should avoid keeping them at his place. However, pets cannot express their feeling by talking or showing anger. Nevertheless, as a human being, we need to understand their feeling and should watch them out. As a human being, it should be our morale duty to take of pet' s need like proper food, time to play with them and timely cleaning. On the other hand, most of the times pets are bought for killing boredom and not with the intention of taking proper care. For example, if a person buys parrots it is just for his entertainment he might not pay attention to his food requirement. This has led to the pets becoming lonely when compared to their counterparts in the outside world. In a nutshell, if people want to keep pets in their homes then they should pay attention to their needs. Otherwise, they must not be allowed to have pets at home.
Nowadays, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
at home is a modern trend. There are various reasons why to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
in your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Normally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
depression or
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to kill the boredom.
Therefore
, they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not have a feeling of loneliness. These days, there is an ongoing debate between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that those who do not take proper care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them. In this essay, I shall provide my point of view.

Firstly
, if a person cannot take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
care of the domestic animal then he should avoid keeping them at his place.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
cannot express their feeling by talking or showing anger.
Nevertheless
, as a human being, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to understand their feeling and should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
them out. As a human being, it should be our morale duty to take of
Possible spelling mistake found.
pet&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
like proper food, time to play with them and timely cleaning.

On the other hand
,
Consider using "most of the time" if you mean "usually" or "very often".
most of the times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
for killing boredom and not with the intention of taking proper care.
For example
, if a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buys
parrots it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for his entertainment he might not pay attention to his food requirement. This has led to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
becoming lonely when compared to their counterparts in the outside world.

In a nutshell, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
in their homes then they should pay attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
Otherwise
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
at home.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Some people only have pets to not feel lonely, for example, but they don’t always take proper care of them. Do you think people who don’t always take proper care of their pets should be allowed to keep them? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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