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some people believe that it is good for students to take off after high school for work or travel. However, other believe that it is a bad idea to take a break between high school and university studies. Discuss both views and include your opinion. v.1

some people believe that it is good for students to take off after high school for work or travel. However, other believe that it is a bad idea to take a break between high school and university studies. v. 1
There is no doubt that education is essential for a child's development. In this essay, I am going to discuss the possible solutions to encourage dispassionate children to study. First and foremost, one of the reasons why the children may be disinterested in education is not knowing the importance of studies. The reason for this is the child is not mature enough to understand the importance. For instance, As a kid, I was not aware that what I was being taught in school will be useful for my job. To solve this problem, schools should motivate children by exposing them to the achievements of successful people. As a result, this may help a child to develop goals and work hard to achieve it. Stress from education can be another reason for disinterest. This happens because many schools are trying to improve the grades of the children by concentrating more on study sessions and reducing the playtime. This can be a big problem as the kid may not be able to handle the pressure and also no physical exercise can cause more stress. For illustration, These days schools start at 8 in the morning and continue till 6 pm after which 2 more hours are spent on study hours. The solution for this can be to add time for sports along with classes, this can result in improved interest to learn. To conclude, not knowing the importance of studies and stress can be two important factors contributing to the lack of interest in students. In my view, it is the responsibility of educational institutions to tackle these problems and try to fix them by considering some of the solutions suggested above.
There is no doubt that education is essential for a child's development. In this essay, I am going to discuss the possible solutions to encourage dispassionate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study.

First
and foremost, one of the reasons why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may
be disinterested
in education
The verb 'knowing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is not knowing
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
The reason for this is
the child is not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to understand the importance.
For instance
, As a kid, I was not aware that what I was
being taught
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will be useful for my job. To solve this problem,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by exposing them to the achievements of successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
As a result
, this may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a child to develop goals and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve it.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Stress
from education can be another reason for disinterest. This happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the grades of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by concentrating more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
sessions and reducing the playtime. This can be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem as the kid may not be able to handle the pressure and
also
no physical exercise can cause more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. For illustration, These days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
at 8 in the morning and continue till 6 pm after which 2 more hours
are spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
hours. The solution for this can be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
time for sports along with classes, this can result in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
interest to learn.

To conclude
, not knowing the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
can be two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors contributing to the lack of interest in students. In my view, it is the responsibility of educational institutions to tackle these problems and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
them by considering
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
solutions suggested above.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay some people believe that it is good for students to take off after high school for work or travel. However, other believe that it is a bad idea to take a break between high school and university studies. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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