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Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed if they are used as money making attractions aimed at tourists Others however believe that is the only way to save these traditions Discuss both these views and give your own opinion v.3

Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed if they are used as money making attractions aimed at tourists Others however believe that is the only way to save these traditions 3
It is undoubted that nowadays cultural tour is becoming pervading among tourists. However, whether it is a positive trend or not remains a controversial issue. While I admit that utilizing cultural conventions to attract more tourists and make some money can to some extent prevent it from eliminating, I believe there are still better ways to protect our traditions. On the one had, we have to admit that it is a measure to attracted more public awareness. Since some traditions have already been neglected due to the rapid development of modern society, we have to take steps to hook more audiences on cultural traditions. In this way, they can be known and remembered by the public. Moreover, financial profits gained can also help to develop or maintain a certain local convention. A good example is the Lion Dancing in China -- a conventional folk dance which has been promoted by chargeable performances. On the other hand, it can also bring detrimental effect, thus, other reliable measures should be taken to save the cultural traditions. The cultural conventions are frequently adapted to satisfy and cater to the taste of modern people to maximize their profits. A potential danger is that gradually theses traditions will become simply products of modern demands of entertainment, which is merely another form of disappearance. Meanwhile, to better protect the traditions, it is the government that should take the initial responsibility. Laws should be released; Students should be inculcated with the concept of various conventions and a consciousness to prevent them from being destroyed. Ultimately, efforts from other parts of the society are also pivotal. For instance, entrepreneurs can set off funds or social activities to offer a support; Social medias should put more focus on the traditions ignored. By way of conclusion, although making cultural traditions profitable attractions can save them from some respect, the potential danger should by no means be ignored and there are certainly more reliable ways for this. In fact, it is imperative for us to combine powers of all sectors of the society to save our precious conventions.
It
is undoubted
that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
tour is becoming pervading among tourists.
However
, whether it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend or not remains a controversial issue. While I admit that utilizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conventions
to attract more tourists and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money can to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
it from eliminating, I believe there are
still
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to protect our traditions.

On the one had, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit that it is a measure to attracted more public awareness. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
have already
been neglected
due to the rapid development of modern society, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take steps to hook more audiences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
, they can
be known
and remembered by the public.
Moreover
, financial profits gained can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop or maintain a certain local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
convention
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is the Lion Dancing in China -- a conventional folk dance which has
been promoted
by chargeable performances.

On the other hand
, it can
also
bring detrimental effect,
thus
, other reliable measures should
be taken
to save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conventions
are
frequently
adapted to satisfy and cater to the taste of modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to maximize their profits. A potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
is that
gradually
Did you mean "these"?
theses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
will become
simply
products of modern demands of entertainment, which is
merely
another form of disappearance. Meanwhile, to better protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
, it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
that should take the initial responsibility. Laws should
be released
; Students should
be inculcated
with the concept of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conventions
and a consciousness to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
.
Ultimately
, efforts from other parts of the society are
also
pivotal.
For instance
, entrepreneurs can set off funds or social activities to offer a support; Social medias should put more focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of conclusion, although making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
profitable attractions can save them from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
respect, the potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
should by no means be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
and there are
certainly
more reliable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
for this. In fact, it is imperative for us to combine powers of all sectors of the society to save our precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conventions
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed if they are used as money making attractions aimed at tourists Others however believe that is the only way to save these traditions 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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