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TPO-46 - Independent Writing TaskDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examp v.2

TPO-46 - Independent Writing Task The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examp v. 2
In the modern era, celebrities are considered very important to people. the famous people are always on TV, and they say their thoughts on television to the whole nation, in order to make people to adapt the same type of thinking. One of the most controverisial question regarding this subject is that whether young people or older people are affected more by famous people opinions' . In my perspective, younger people believe more to what is celebrities opinion about a perticular topic for few reasons which I will elaborate more. First of all, young people tend to watch public media more than older people. Nowadays, due to presence of internet, young people give much of their time watching and reading news through social medias, and celebrities have multiple sources of spreading their thoughts on internet. As the result, young people are aware of celebrities thoughts' more than older people. For example, I' m interested in jennifer lopez, and I have followed her youtube channel, instagram account, facebook page, and her instagram. Jennifer Lopez, in the previous US election, supported Donals Trump, so many of her fans voted for Trump because of her, while my parents did not know that Jennifer supported Trump because they did not have facebook to follow her. Furthermore, lots of famous entertainers and athletes are young. People are interested more to those people who fall in their age range, and because of the fact that most celebrities are young teenagers and adults; younger persons feel a closer relation to them and care about their opinions more while most of old celebrities have been retired and older people don' t hear from them anymore. A research indicates that more than 90% of the stuff working in CNN, are below 30 years old. Finally, old people trust their own opinion more than otheres thoughts. Old people have lived in this world more, so they are more experienced, and consider themselves wiser than any people. That is why they don' t listen to what celebrities think of a specific subject because most of them don' t have enough experience to be believed by old people. To wrap it up, based on what I mentioned before, young people consider celebrities point of view more important than older people do because young people have access to celebrities' official web pages, and most of these famouse people tend to be in a young age range. besides that, old persons consider themselves wiser than celebrities.
In the modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always on TV, and they say their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thoughts
on television to the whole nation, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to adapt the same type of thinking. One of the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
controverisial
question regarding this subject is that whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
more by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
opinions&
#039;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
In my perspective, younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe more to what is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
about a
Possible spelling mistake found.
perticular
topic for few reasons which I will elaborate more.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
public media more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Nowadays, due to presence of internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give much of their time watching and reading news through social medias, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have multiple sources of spreading their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thoughts
on internet. As the result,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
Possible spelling mistake found.
thoughts&
#039; more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
I&
#039; m interested in
Possible spelling mistake found.
jennifer
Possible spelling mistake found.
lopez
, and I have followed her
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
channel,
Possible spelling mistake found.
instagram
account,
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
page, and her
Possible spelling mistake found.
instagram
. Jennifer Lopez, in the previous US election, supported
Possible spelling mistake found.
Donals
Trump,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of her fans voted for Trump
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of her, while my parents did not know that Jennifer supported Trump
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they did not have
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
to follow her.

Furthermore
, lots of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
entertainers and athletes are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are interested
more to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who fall in their age range, and
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and adults; younger persons feel a closer relation to them and care about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
more while most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have
been retired
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t hear from them anymore.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
indicates that more than 90% of the stuff working in CNN, are below 30 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
trust their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
more than
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "others", the plural form of the noun 'other'?
otheres
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thoughts
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in this world more,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are more experienced, and consider themselves wiser than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
That is
why they
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t listen to what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of a specific subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of them
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
experience to
be believed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To wrap it up, based on what I mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
point of view more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have access to
Possible spelling mistake found.
celebrities&
#039; official web pages, and most of these
Possible spelling mistake found.
famouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to be in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age range.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
besides
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
persons consider themselves wiser than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
59Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO-46 - Independent Writing Task The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examp v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
412 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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