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Some people think that students who achieve the best academic results should be rewarded. Others believe it is more important to reward students who show improvement. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that students who achieve the best academic results should be rewarded. Others believe it is more important to reward students who show improvement. v. 1
Environment is a gift of god to the living beings. Developing nations are also living on the same planet on which the developed nations are living. So it is really does not matter at all that, who is having higher responsibility for this. Let's discuss in the essay. Firstly, it is the responsibility for all of us from all the countries, to take care of this amazing bond with the nature. Because, it is always difficult to take breathe in the polluted environment for all living beings and even for the plants to grow. According to me, cities in the developed countries are having some different techniques to cope up with the climatic changes. For instance, the climate like, summer, winter and frost, all are having the precautionary measures for that including both the nations. If any of the country will unable to adapt according to the climatic changes, then it will be difficult to survival for that particular one. Secondly, in the developing countries, the government and the local peoples having responsibility to take care of their nation. As we all know the better climate is always responsible for the better agriculture and in most of the countries for example India, most of the employment is dependent on the agriculture or I can say they are earning their bread and butter by working as a farmer. So government managing to maintain dams and canals for the climate change. To conclude, climatic condition changes every 4 months in the country like India, so there should be the preventive measures to cope up with these changes. On the other hand, in the developed countries, the climate is also varies accordingly and they also have to maintain their living according to that.
Environment is a gift of god to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
beings. Developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
on the same planet on which the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is
really
does not matter at all that, who is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
higher responsibility for this.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's discuss in the essay.

Firstly
, it is the responsibility for all of us from all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, to take care of this amazing bond with the nature.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, it is always difficult to take breathe in the polluted environment for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
beings and even for the plants to grow.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, cities in the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
techniques to cope up with the climatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
like, summer, winter and frost, all are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
the precautionary measures for that including both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. If any of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
Did you mean "will be unable"?
will unable
to adapt according to the climatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
, then it will be difficult to survival for that particular one.

Secondly
, in the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the local peoples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
responsibility to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. As we all know the better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
is always responsible for the better agriculture and in most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for example
India, most of the employment is dependent on the agriculture or I can say they are earning their bread and butter by working as a farmer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
managing to maintain dams and canals for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

To conclude
, climatic condition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
every 4 months in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
like India,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there should be the preventive measures to cope up with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
.
On the other hand
, in the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
is
also
varies
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
accordingly and
they
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
according to that.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that students who achieve the best academic results should be rewarded. Others believe it is more important to reward students who show improvement. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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