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Many people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others claim that schools should give reward to those who show improvement. Discuss these two mind. v.1

Many people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others claim that schools should give reward to those who show improvement. Discuss these two mind. v. 1
Many people are of the opinion that schools should reward students who show the best performance in their studies, whereas it claims that students with positive progress need a reward. In this essay, these two views can be discussed in-depth. On the one hand, some arguments lend support to the opinion that it is indispensable to encourage excellent students. Firstly, it is worth the incentives because these students put all their determination into studying and make relentless efforts. Secondly, diligent ones often desire to conquer prizes and do not want to be left behind by their peers; therefore, rewarding them can create a highly competitive learning environment where students are more likely to progress. Furthermore, this is a favorable opportunity to nurture gifted students, for instance, outstanding ones are annually sent to compete at the international competition. Their achievements make a significant contribution to the national sustainable prosperity. On the other hand, many believe rewarding students who make considerable progress is thoroughly reasonable. Firstly, by taking this step, school administrators express their thoughtful attention to educational psychology and provide students with equal opportunities in the learning environment. Thanks to that, instead of feeling frustrated when competing with their top classmates, they will feel motivated when their efforts are highly appreciated. Secondly, giving incentives to average students reminds people that the original purpose of learning is to acquire knowledge and how to apply it efficiently, not to achieve high scores. As a consequence, several common negative phenomena such as stress, anxiety, and cheating would reduce. In conclusion, although there are convincing arguments for both views, I hold a firm belief that schools should always encourage students whether they are the best or not.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that schools should reward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the best performance in their studies, whereas it claims that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
progress need a reward. In this essay, these two views can
be discussed
in-depth.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments lend support to the opinion that it is indispensable to encourage excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Firstly
, it is worth the incentives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
put all their determination into studying and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
relentless efforts.
Secondly
, diligent ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
desire to conquer prizes and do not want to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
behind by their peers;
therefore
, rewarding them can create a
highly
competitive learning environment where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more likely to progress.
Furthermore
, this is a favorable opportunity to nurture gifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
for instance
, outstanding ones are
annually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to compete at the international competition. Their achievements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a significant contribution to the national sustainable prosperity.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe rewarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
considerable progress is
thoroughly
reasonable.
Firstly
, by taking this step, school administrators express their thoughtful attention to educational psychology and provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with equal opportunities in the learning environment. Thanks to that,
instead
of feeling frustrated when competing with their top classmates, they will feel motivated when their efforts are
highly
appreciated.
Secondly
, giving incentives to average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
reminds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that the original purpose of learning is to acquire knowledge and how to apply it
efficiently
, not to achieve high scores. As a consequence, several common
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
phenomena such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, anxiety, and cheating would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.

In conclusion
, although there are convincing arguments for both views, I hold a firm belief that schools should always encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
whether they are the best or not.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others claim that schools should give reward to those who show improvement. Discuss these two mind. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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